Moving to a new city has left me lonely and isolated, so how can I make new friends?

Dear Maggie

Since we married 12 years ago, my husband and I have lived in the north of England, where the children were happy at the local school and I made friends with women in the village.

But six months ago my husband got the chance of promotion with a company in Edinburgh.

It was a big opportunity for him and we bought a lovely house and were excited about the move.

But it hasn’t worked out as I expected.

Most of the neighbours in our street will say “Hello” if we meet, but they don’t take it any further than that. I haven’t been invited to things such as coffee mornings.

The children have made friends at school but none of the mums have asked me round for a visit.

I feel very lonely and cut-off from my family and friends and it is making me depressed.

I don’t know what to do and my husband is fed up with me moaning about this.

I just wish I could go back to the life we had but he is enjoying his new job and that isn’t an option.

Maggie says

Moving to a new place can be a difficult process and it sometimes takes time to adjust.

It’s good that your children have settled into school and made friends – that’s something to be grateful for. So why not start from that point and invite the parents of their new friends round for a coffee afternoon?

Or if they are working, why not a lunch one weekend with the children and the parents? Maybe your husband would like you to invite some of his colleagues and their wives round some evening?

Or how about asking the neighbours to your house for a get-together?

If you’re not comfortable with these ideas, have you thought about finding out what’s going on locally? Perhaps there is an evening class at the local school or college which might interest you?

And there are always opportunities for volunteering to help with an organisation or charity.

Moving house is like starting over – we need to slowly get to know the people around us and gradually make choices about how involved we want to be in our local community. Having children helps the process, so don’t despair.

Bit by bit you will get talking to people and you will soon find out you have things in common.

Try not to let yourself sink into depression. Instead, see this as a challenge and one which you can turn around so that you and your family begin to enjoy your life in your new surroundings.

Before too long, I’m sure you will feel at home.

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries