AGONY AUNT We are getting married but not saving up for it

WHY WON’T MY FIANCEE TRY TO SAVE MONEY?

I am engaged and due to get married in the spring of next year. I know it’s over a year away, but I also know weddings are not cheap. I also want to buy a flat at some point too, so am saving really hard for both. Unlike my fiancee, who seems to think it’s OK to go on spending money as though it grows on trees.

She works and earns a pretty good salary, but she also goes out for lunch most days. She goes out with her colleagues and friends a couple of nights of the week as well. She is forever looking at home makeover magazines and websites, planning what she’s going to do with our flat when we get it. I tried suggesting that perhaps she ought to concentrate more on saving for a deposit on the flat, rather than kitting it out, but she didn’t seem to get the difference. In fact, I thought we’d already agreed to save for the big-ticket priorities first, but it seems hers are very different to mine.

As though to rub salt in a wound, she went online last week and bought a set of cushions and a throw for a sofa we don’t yet have – because we are still living with her parents, and have been for the past year. But I do wonder just how keen my fiancee is to really leave home. This, plus the way she is with her money, makes me also question whether we really are as compatible as I once thought.

I really love her and am sure she feels the same way about me, she’s also my best friend. However, what do I do if she carries on like this?

■ A. R.

FIONA SAYS: HAVE YOU HAD A PROPER TALK ABOUT THIS?

Love and friendship form a great basis for a relationship, but I believe the ability to communicate openly is just as important. Almost every week I hear from people who don’t talk about their feelings, fears and worries, and then wonder why their relationship is falling apart. I am not suggesting this is happening to you, at least not yet. I do question, though, whether you have really sat down with your fiancee and talked through your respective priorities and how you want to finance them?

So please, talk with her and deal with this now before it’s too late. It shouldn’t be too difficult to agree a timetable and a budget for the next year. Oh, and don’t forget to make a small allowance in that for fun and relaxation. Your fiancée may have a point – some stress-free time in the here and now is every bit as important as saving for the future.

Fiona Caine is a columnist and trained counsellor. You can email Fiona at help@askfiona.net

Communicating openly about money is essential.