More Roamerisms from the early 1990s
‘Any Umber-ellas? Any Umber-ellas?’ I can’t get that song out of my head. Because, this past week, some people have been putting spokes into the tercentenary countdown by posing the problem of locating the numerous umbrellas which were spirited away after the royal visit. Suffice to say, the district council will not be putting a damper on the saga. Indeed our local authority will, I’m sure, settle up, if required, with those local bank branches now bereft of brollies bearing their names. The money will just have to be found from the council’s overheads.
I wonder if Fort William suffered a similar scenario when Queen Victoria came to the Gearasdan in 1847 and 1873. Certainly she was said to be ‘not amused’ by the Lochaber rain aplenty on both occasions. A great shame, really, because prior to the first visit it seemed likely Queen Victoria might make Inverlochy Castle her Highland home. But our local precipitation put paid to that and she opted for Balmoral instead.
There was an interesting cameo tale to tell at Corpach Basin towards the end of the royal visit last week. Shortly after the Queen stepped from her hard-topped Rolls Royce, I noted the royal chauffeur unscrewed the silver mascot from the bonnet of the car. I asked him the reason. He told me the figure of a polo player on his pony is the Queen’s personal favourite and is put in place only when she travels in this particular ‘Roller’. As she was now going off to board Britannia, the chauffeur was replacing the silverware with what looked to me like a silver statue of Eros in miniature.
Monday was one of yon (yawn) town holidays. Some shops shut, some were open and the banks closed. But it wasn’t long before a holidaying duo capitalised on that fact. They took up residence on the doorstep of the Clydesdale, proceeded to busk with a penny whistle and tom toms and put their headgear down in front of them to collect some vacational cash.
Meanwhile, two fire engines raced to a High Street restaurant where an electrical fault had caused smoke to belch out in all directions. Generators, hoses and other firefighting equipment everywhere while the outbreak was swiftly defused. In the middle of the commotion, a visitor from furth of Scotland went into the restaurant and asked: ‘Can I have a cheese sandwich to take away, please’? I trust he got it. Toasted, of course.
The Lochaber Games caber was stormtossed around a fair acreage of Lochaber last weekend. To add weight to the caber, it was submerged in the River Nevis prior to the event and weighted down with rocks. But it got away and ‘sailed’ down Loch Linnhe to Ardgour where it was spotted by the locals. Games secretary Ian Skinner said: ‘It’s certainly the farthest we have seen a caber go, but we’ve put it in a safer place for now.’
Toto Kearney, art connoisseur and critic, who pronounced tellingly on the ‘Multiple Image’ exhibition in Fort William Library, has been turning his attentions to monitoring the ‘cultural programmes’ on television. Reclining in his favourite armchair, The Tote appeared to be taking a keen interest in a particularly highbrow offering till Eunice brought him back down to earth. ‘How can you possibly make out anything on the telly with those glasses on?’ Eunice required to know. ‘You know fine there are no lenses in them.’ Aye, Toto’s arts appreciation knows no bounds, even through specs which boast just the frames!
Willie Duncan, on nightshift in the Paper Mill Powerhouse, was savouring the moment when he could start the fry-up for the late, late supper. Just as he was about to get the sausages and bacon into the pan, with the two eggs on stand by, the phone rang. A 10-minute job needing done. ‘Dash it,’ intoned Willie, and off he went to investigate. It was then that Big Fred pounced. He put Willie’s two eggs into the kettle and boiled them rock hard. Then Fred ran them under the cold tap before replacing them alongside the bangers and rashers. Back came Hungry Willie. Set the sausages and bacon sizzling in the pan. Picked up an egg. In true chef fashion Willie attempted, one handed, to crack it and drop it into the pan. The egg didn’t co-operate. In fact, it bounced. Action replay with the other egg. Similar result. Aye, Willie was more ‘Egg on Face’ than Egon Ronay, that night.
It has been sunshine all the way these past few August days and no rain for ages. I’m reliably informed the Lochaber rainfall, usually an accumulative 65 inches for the year so far, has yet to reach the 50ins mark. So it’s sunny smiles all round with our extended summer season, amid record sales of sun cream and sunglasses. It is even rumoured a number of people taking to the slopes of Aonach Mor are sporting umbrellas (bank customers for the use of?) to ward off the sun’s rays.