QUOTES of the week

‘The prioress was a bit snappy with me so I put my pants and a toothbrush in a bag and walked out.’

Former nun Sister Mary Elizabeth recalls the reaction at her convent when she said she had fallen in love with a monk and wanted to marry.

‘This double whammy is serious but fixable.’ Tennis legend Martina Navratilova, who is suffering from throat and breast cancer.

‘Please boys. Don’t make my final years a misery.’ Charles’s plea to warring William and Harry at the funeral of the Duke of Edinburgh, according to Harry’s controversial book.

‘The military has always embraced him into the family no matter what’s gone on before. He’s now betrayed that trust in the same way he’s betrayed his birth family.’

Iraq War veteran Colonel Tim Collins criticises Harry over his claim that he killed 25 Taliban fighters.

‘Don’t sweat the small stuff. I don’t care about laundry on the floor or toothpaste spills.’ Broadcaster Victoria Derbyshire’s tips for a happy marriage.

‘It seems satire directed at Biden is rejected by Facebook but when we mocked Trump, Boris and Truss that was all fine. Funny old world.’ The Spectator editor Fraser Nelson after the social-media giant rejected its advert poking fun at the US President.

‘I look at Rob going off to do his work and I don’t think he ever thinks of it as being selfish. It’s interesting as women how we feel guilty when we pursue something that’s ours.’

Ayda Field, wife of pop star Robbie

Williams, says working parents aren’t treated equally.

‘It attacked the tastebuds like Drano through a clogged toilet pipe.’

Film director Paul Feig shudders at the horror of being served a tequila and peppermint schnapps-based cocktail called Hot Pants.