You won’t BELIEVE what they tell me!

Kim’s bum is ridiculous. When she gets to my age it’ll be on the floor. Kanye needs to watch out.

Anthea Turner, 54, left, explains why no woman should suffer ‘bottom envy’ over Kim’s recent naked photos. I’d compare George’s looks to granite, to cream running off chocolate, to kind of huge silky Scottish lakes, to grizzled heather, to the eyes of a puppy… Think of any adjective you like, he was FAB.

Joanna Lumley admits to me she has a huge crush on George Clooney and felt giddy working with him in Downton Abbey’s Text Santa special. I never want to see another photograph of myself ever. If I never have to take another selfie it will be too soon.

Emma Thompson is an international star – but she confesses to me that

she still hates pictures of herself. Charles had to sit for an hour without moving. We did the sitting at Highgrove and I had to take the whole thing back to my studio in the car. It was very strange packing Prince Charles’s head into my boot.

Sculptress Frances

Segelman tells me about the surreal side of creating a bust of the Prince. I wish I could be stuck in space with Eric Cantona – like in the film Gravity. Eric is my George Clooney.

Ex-Doctor Who actor Matt Smith – boyfriend of Lily James – tells me about his secret fantasy bromance.

Hirst. Damien – A10. Goldsmith. Ben – A9. Beckham. Romeo – B8. Melua. Katie – C7. William. Prince – A6. Cumberbatch. Benedict – C5. Clooney. George – A4. Redmayne. Eddie – B3. Goldsmith. Jemima – C2. Anderson. Pamela – A1. QUIZ: MY TO ANSWERS