My boss keeps on putting me down

IAM having a big problem at work and don’t know what to do for the best. I joined the company after being interviewed and accepted by a very nice woman, and I thought it was going to be great. The problem is that there is a man who reports to her who is my immediate boss, and he has taken against me from the start.

He is forever criticising what I’ve done workwise, but he goes further than that, criticising what I wear, the way I look. He runs me down so much and so often in front of other people that I am losing confidence, and it’s getting to the point that I can’t do anything. Other members of staff have told me he’s doing it to get back at the woman who appointed me, because she was promoted over him. If that’s the case, what can I do? If he’s determined to dislike me just to get at her, I don’t stand a chance.

FIONA SAYS: Although there is a risk that things might go against you, if this man’s bullying (and that’s what it is) is known and recognised by others, then don’t be so certain. Unfortunately, it usually takes someone to stand up to a bully before anything is done.

Although there is no legal definition of bullying, an abuse of power by someone in a senior position – as you are experiencing, especially when it’s intimidating or insulting – is most definitely bullying. Any unwanted behaviour that is designed to undermine or humiliate you, especially when it causes physical or emotional harm is bullying too.

Your company should have a policy to deal with this and you could ask your HR department whether there is such a policy and say you would like to see it. Harassment in the workplace is unlawful. If you are having to deal with insults relating to age, disability, gender reassignment, race, religion or belief, sex, or sexual orientation then this comes under the Equality Act too. If this is the case, then you should most definitely raise the issue with your HR department, as they should be dealing with it.

I would also suggest that you contact ACAS (acas.org.uk), an organisation that provides free and impartial advice and which can do a lot to help you through this.

MY FATHER-IN-LAW HAS BECOME RUDE AND ANGRY

I saw your recent letter about a lady who was having problems with her husband. He was blaming her for everything, and I wonder if this is what’s happening with my father-inlaw. I am having real difficulties with him, as he has become very badtempered in his old age.

He used to be fine with me, but now, whenever I call or pop in to see him, he is rude, orders me about, and is generally quite horrible. The odd thing is though that if my husband comes with me, he is as nice as pie although he can still be a bit bossy!

FIONA SAYS: I can’t help but wonder if your father-in-law is becoming a little confused. It may be that he recognises you with your husband around or when you are in your own home, but without these triggers, he gets confused.

On your next visit, could you, perhaps, record things on your phone to show your husband? I suspect perhaps the old man has always been a bit of a tyrant, which is maybe why your husband doesn’t notice him being bossy.

It might, though, be time to seek medical help for him – you might want to talk to his GP before taking him to an appointment.