SHANE WATSON PEOPLE WAT C H I N G

Prince Philip’s enviable 11-minute workout is no match for the baroque wellness regime of the female celeb

It may be January, but that doesn’t quite explain the obsession with people’s fitness regimens. This week, so far, we have learned that Prince Philip swears by the Royal Canadian Airforce exercises (what the 97-year-old Duke really gets up to is a rich seam we’re only just starting to explore). We’ve also learned that Victoria Beckham works out seven days a week, at home, in her private gym.

As you might have guessed, the Duke’s regime takes 11 minutes, requires no equipment and can be done in an area the size of a single bed, while wearing your pants.

Meanwhile, VB’s is more of a two-hour event, involving a treadmill, weights, a personal trainer, state-of-the-art exercise gear and a 5.30am kick-off. If you’re interested, there’s plenty to learn about her diet too (cider vinegar before breakfast, followed by green smoothies, etc). Read it and weep.

Alternatively, read it and think: this encapsulates the difference between the Fifties (when the

Duke learned his moves in the Royal Navy) and the world now. VB’s definition of healthy living is early rising, early to bed, a daily two-hour workout, eliminating food groups and almost all alcohol, occasionally chewing a brownie

(for Harper’s sake).

But that’s more or less how it goes. The celebrity healthy lifestyle of 2019 is as rigorous as a ballerina’s – only with no purpose other than to look good in clothes, and feel in control.

What was once just part of the deal has become the main point. The pursuit of perfect abs and wishbone thighs, for the sake of perfect abs and wishbone thighs, is now the number one goal of clothes designers, actresses, clean-eating cooks, television presenters, students, and 40-somethings embarking on new lives outside their marriages.

Do they want us to hear their thoughts on Brexit, single-use plastic, Dominic West in Les Mis, volunteering for the NHS? Possibly, but mainly they want us to know how many planks they do. Planks are like Grade 8 piano used to be, or Oscars

ALL THE GEAR...Victoria Beckham may not wear heels and evening wear on the treadmill in real life, but her morning workout routine sounds distinctly punishing