Reel-y annoying

We’re now deep into film awards season so what better time to havea think about what is and isn’t acceptable when you go out to the flicks?

LAST YEAR Madonna was banned from an American cinema chain after being spotted texting during a New York Film Festival screening of 12 Years a Slave. Slightly more dramatically, in Florida earlier this month a retired police officer apparently shot a fellow cinema-goer after asking him to stop texting during a showing of war film Lone Survivor. With the Golden Globes last week and the nominations for the Baftas and Academy Awards just announced, more people will be going to their local picture houses. To make the whole experience a little more enjoyable for everyone we’ve put together our top 10 dos and don’ts for cinema etiquette. So, in no particular order, here areThe Courier’s top 10 points for movie manners:

Wheesht your chatter

IT’S GREAT when people cheer and applaud at the end of a film— it shows an appreciation of the film, its producer and the actors. What we don’t like is people whispering, chattering and snuckering all the way through.

Control your munching

ONE OF The Courier team once went to a film where a young couple got out a full picnic, complete with flasks, sandwiches, wrapped pork pies, cakes and biscuits and proceeded to munch it all during the showing. It was Highlander, though, so no loss, really. Eating loud food is a pain — popcorn, crisps, anything with rustly wrappers — and that slurping noise caused by mega-buckets of coke is no better . . .

Watch your time

DO TRY to arrive for the screening BEFORE the titles roll. Otherwise you’re just going to be stumbling about in the dark trying to find a seat (whatever happened to usherettes and their torches? But that’s another matter). When the lights come up at the end of the film the credits, extra scenes and suchlike are still rolling but everyone instantly jumps to their feet and jostles like a herd of wildebeest in their haste to get out. What’s the rush?

Don’t sit in our seat

WHAT REALLY gets our goat is when someone is sitting in our pre-booked seats and they become rude and abusive when asked to move. Occasionally they use emotional blackmail in order to keep their whole family sitting together. Sorry, it doesn’t wash with us — if it’s that important to you, book your own seats. A scene before the film starts is upsetting and can spoil the evening, especially if they’re still giving you the evils as you leave!

Don’t leave a mess

WE SOMETIMES feel ashamed of the mess left behind when everyone files out at the end of a film — empty cartons, spilled popcorn everywhere, drinks containers, sweetie wrappers. You wouldn’t do it at home so what makes you think you can do it at the cinema?

Don’t bring your germs

IFYOU have a cold, man flu or a hacking cough, do us all a favour and wait until the DVD comes out. Not only will you embarrass yourself when you’re sneezing through the steamy scenes, but you’ll drive everyone in the whole place to distraction. Come on, we really don’t want your germs! Stay at home tucked up in bed with a hot water bottle and a bag of cough sweets.

Keep your shoes on

EVERYONE HAS paid a good few pounds to see this flick so the last thing we need is to be feeling nauseous because some idiot has taken off his or her shoes to give their feet a weekly airing. Even worse, the socks will be off too. Do the right thing and keep your athlete’s foot to yourself — and that means keeping on the socks and shoes and ideally putting your feet firmly on the ground. Surely you can wait just a few hours?

Keep your feet off the seats

WHILE WE’RE on the subject of feet, remember, you’re in public and the seat in front is not a pouffe. In the good old days — when cinema ushers sat at the back of the room for the entire film — a light would be shone in your direction and a reprimand issued. And if your tired tootsies can’t possibly last without being elevated for an hour, at least choose a seat that’s unoccupied. There’s nothing worse than having the back of your seat kicked — or discovering a shoe lurking above your shoulder.

No high jinx

A MEMBER of The Courier team who has been injured by a deliberately-thrown boiled sweet is against the concept of the cinema being a nursery for unruly bored people — and that goes for adults as well as children. While lodging popcorn in some unsuspecting audience member’s hair three rows away may garner kudos from your peer group, try to think how the person on the receiving end might feel. And if the film isn’t engaging enough, get out!

Mind your phone

IT SEEMS like the battle to ask people to turn their phones completely off has been lost but if you need to have your phone to hand, please do try to work out how to switch the ringer off. While you’re there, think about turning the brightness on the screen down — your phone is brighter than the movie screen. Don’t dare talk on your phone. That’s still an absolute no-no. Oh, and like Madonna, you shouldn’t really need to be texting either.