Advice Column: a lack of brotherly love

HOW CAN I STOP MY SONS FIGHTING?

My two sons (aged 11 and 13) fight all the time and it really gets me down. I was an only child and would have loved a sister or brother, so I don’t understand how they can be so antagonistic.

Their fights can get quite venomous, but if I try to intervene they end up defending one another against me.

I don’t understand it, and I certainly don’t like it.

FIONA SAYS: SIBLINGS WILL ALWAYS ARGUE

If you did have siblings of your own, you’d realise your sons’ behaviour is quite normal.

They may seem to you to hate one another but they almost certainly don’t, they wouldn’t defend each other against you if they did.

When they fight, try to remain impartial and don’t intervene unless they look like they’re going to draw blood.

Then, when they’ve finished, tell them their behaviour is unacceptable to you and that they need to make more effort to get along.

Explain you find their arguments and fights stressful and you don’t like the noise and tension they cause.

It almost certainly won’t stop the fights but it may at least make them realise what is expected of them.

In time, their fights will probably decrease — many brothers who have fought like demons in their youth end up as best friends when they are older.

Let’s hope so, anyway.