SURGERY I travelled to Turkey for an …and

Fat? It’s nothing to do with ministers

HOW was Christmas? Nice? It was for me. We went around to my sister’s – a wonderful cook – and enjoyed one hell of a feast.

The thing is, now I’ve passed the big 5- 0, just as I was warned, my previously hard- working metabolism has slowed a little. Well, a lot.

The upshot is that, for the first time in my life, I’m getting a little bit fat.

I don’t mean Mr Creosote- style obese.

Don’t worry, I can still wipe my own arse.

But I have lumps and bumps in places I didn’t have before.

But, according to leftie boffins, I’m not fat. I’m suffering from “policy inaction on obesity”.

That’s right. So it’s not me shovelling too much grub into a body that’s not active enough.

It’s the Government’s fault! And it’s also, apparently, the Government’s fault that so many kids are fat these days.

Ultra- processed

A report in – where else – The Guardian whines: “Children in England are at risk of diabetes, heart disease and other serious health problems as ministers have shelved anti- obesity policies until 2025.

“The independent report says that ultra- processed foods ( UPF) and products high in fat, sugar and salt ( HFSS) have become ‘ normalised’ in children’s diets, with poorer parents powerless to curb them.”

One of the report’s authors, Dr Paul Coleman, said: “We have been extremely disappointed to see the Government backtrack on many of their anti- obesity policies over recent years.

“Fundamental changes need to be made to the food environment – making unhealthy food options less appealing and healthier food options more appealing.”

Dr Coleman, have you seen a politician recently?

These f** kers are so clueless, it’s amazing they can walk and talk at the same time.

So expecting them to “tackle childhood obesity” is like asking a koala to knit a cardigan.

And even if there WAS some degree of competence somewhere in the Government, it is not the Government’s job to stop kids getting fat.

That is the job of what we used to call “parents”.

Blossoming

My taxes should not be used to start banning junk food or commissioning studies from Dr Coleman and his ilk – studies that invariably find that more of my taxes should be spent banning junk food.

I’ll be dealing with my own blossoming curves by cutting down on the cakes, eating more veg and taking more exercise.

It is hardly rocket science, is it? The Government is there to defend our borders, keep the King’s Peace and maintain a stable currency.

Maybe they should get a grip of those jobs before worrying about taking over from parents unable to tell their fat f** king kids: “NO!”