Sunday Mirror

Decks appeal

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For the next five days, 4,099 other passengers and I will be cruising the western Mediterran­ean, taking in Rome, Pisa, Florence, Cannes, Palma and Barcelona.

Before we go any further, I have a confession to make – I’m not really a cruise ship kinda gal. I’d always assumed that cruises were for those of rather more advanced years, but I’m willing to give it a go. Who knows, I may be converted.

Friends warned me that you can gain half a stone in a week on a cruise and, if Norwegian Epic standards are anything to go by, I can believe it.

The very air seems to shimmer with calories. If big American portions are your thing, you can indulge 24 hours a day. There’s a buffet, a pizzeria, a French bistro, a sushi bar, and an Irish pub.

But by far my favourite was the Teppanyaki restaurant where diners sit at benches around a huge flat teppanyaki grill on which a Japanese chef theatrical­ly prepares your food. If you live by the adage of “never play with your food” then this probably won’t be for you. But if you want a fun, exciting experience, then this meal is unmissable.

Chef kept us entertaine­d by juggling eggs, tossing great clouds of rice into the air, and throwing the occasional knife.

In between his singing and the rhythmic clattering of spatulas, he even found time to spell out “I love you” in noodles for me, along with a saucy wink. He sure knows the way to a girl’s heart.

Part of the reason many people love cruises so much is the entertainm­ent and you won’t be disappoint­ed by what the Epic has to offer. Two new headliner shows have recently joined the ship: Priscilla: Queen of the Desert and Burn the Floor. Priscilla is a musical adaptation of the popular film, and is a camp, fluffy extravagan­za of all things drag. And Burn the Floor is an absolute dream for fans of Strictly Come Dancing – a fantastica­lly energetic show.

If it’s all getting a bit much, you can escape reality with an evening at Cirque Dreams: basically, you dine in a spiegelten­t (mirrored fairground tent) while circus performers zip round on wires overhead, or gyrate saucily in giant martini glasses.

There’s an act that involves a rollerskat­ing man spinning his partner around so fast that it really seems as if she might come whizzing through the air and land in the potato dauphinois­e!

As if that’s not enough, we were treated to a muscle- bound, semi- clad acrobat writhing around in a bubble bath suspended on ropes. Getting splashed during pudding – what’s not to love?

I’m keen to disembark and see what’s on shore at every opportunit­y, but plenty of my fellow cruise-goers seem happy to stay in the glitzy plushness of the ship – you see them in the casino at 8am, with eyes like spinning saucers.

OBLIVION

If staying aboard is what floats your boat, then there’s plenty to keep you busy – a spa, a cinema, a gym, big-screen computer games and – my personal favourite activity – eating and drinking yourself into oblivion.

When I do venture ashore, the gorgeous winter sun sits in sharp contrast to the ship’s dim lighting and bling décor.

I find myself dazed, blinking in the sunlight like some sort of mole. Not for long though – there’s exploring to be done!

Day trips include a stroll round Pisa to get the obligatory holding-up-the-tower-shot (I get photobombe­d by a group of giggling Japanese tourists), and a lovely afternoon mooching around the back streets of Palma’s Old Town. We even managed to squeeze in a tour of a vineyard just outside Barcelona, complete with a tasting and yummy tapas.

It sounds like this non-believer has been well and truly converted to cruises...

 ??  ?? BIG IN JAPAN Rosie gets photobombe­d in Pisa MAMMA MIA Relax in your cabin or enjoy Priscilla show
BIG IN JAPAN Rosie gets photobombe­d in Pisa MAMMA MIA Relax in your cabin or enjoy Priscilla show
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 ??  ?? ROME IF YOU WANT TO Visit the Coliseum or St Paul de Vence
ROME IF YOU WANT TO Visit the Coliseum or St Paul de Vence
 ??  ?? ICE ICE BABY Rosiechill­s out in the on-boardice bar
ICE ICE BABY Rosiechill­s out in the on-boardice bar

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