Mum who lost twin baby girl shares pain of ‘buying for one’
WATCHING twin babies together is a joy, whether they’re in cute matching outfits, babbling to each other in their own little language, or getting up to mischief.
For new mum Rhiannon Donnelly however, this wasn’t to be the case.
Rhiannon, 33, and her husband Nathan, 32, who live in Cardiff, cherish every moment with their five-month-old child, Gruffydd, however she has shared the grief of always being aware the spot next to him should be filled by his twin sister Mabli.
The couple had difficulty getting pregnant for several years, but finally found joy through their second round of IVF.
Rhiannon said: “After trying for so long to get pregnant, we felt really blessed to be having two babies.”
Knowing twins tend to arrive early, the couple quickly began preparing for their arrivals.
Tragically, however, at Rhiannon’s 30-week scan on October 6, 2021, the family were informed Mabli’s heart had stopped beating.
Doctors informed Rhiannon that, if they delivered the twins then, there would be a risk Gruffydd would not survive, therefore Rhiannon had to continue carrying Mabli for a further five weeks, knowing she would be stillborn.
Gruffydd and Mabli were delivered by caesarean section five weeks later and after five days in hospital, Rhiannon was able to return home with Gruffydd.
It was then however that the loss of Mabli sunk in. “Nathan and I had bought everything for them, as we knew with twins they often come early,” she explained. “We didn’t sort their room for a long time. We couldn’t face going in there. My eldest brother sold the extra cot and pram so we didn’t have to face doing it. Luckily, we had a lot of support.”
On December 3, Mabli was buried next to Rhiannon’s grandparents at a cemetery two minutes’ walk from their home.
Rhiannon has explained how she finds adjusting to raising Gruffydd without his twin sister difficult, particularly when shopping. “Buying for one instead of two is hard, and when I see girls’ clothes in the shops it is very difficult. It’s also upsetting when I see other twins in their matching outfits. The first time it happened was on social media, it was all twin stuff, so I had to come off it for a long time as that was all I would see. “When I felt ready to go back on it, I put in that I didn’t want to see twins anymore. It was a stab in the heart. Seeing twins is not any easier, whatever age they are. I just think, ‘That should have been us’.
“If I’m out and the grief hits, I’ll give my son a big cuddle, which is comforting, and I feel grateful that he is here and he is okay.”
Rhiannon visits Malbi’s grave to talk to her most days, she says this helps during tough days.
“The thing that gets me through it if I’m really struggling in that moment is to go visit Mabli as soon I get home,” says Rhiannon. “I talk to her about how her brother is doing, and if he isn’t feeling well I’ll ask her to look after him.
“If we are going away, we go and see her before and I tell her that I wish she was coming with us, but I do find it incredibly difficult going away without her as I feel like I’m leaving her behind. I will never be able to move away from the area.”
Soon, there will be a headstone at the plot with the message, “Always and forever” on it. “It’s what Nathan and I always said to each other whenever we’ve been apart and we’ve said it to the twins,” says Rhiannon.
“I’m also planting a rose there from my grandparents’ garden soon.”
“We want Gruffydd to know about her and will be open when he asks questions about her,” says Rhiannon as she explains how she takes Gruffydd for visits too.
“I know twins have that a bond where they are closely linked, and I hope that in the future I can somehow see that.”
As well as support from family, Rhiannon and Nathan received regular counselling from a local charity called Big Moose on Zoom. They were also put in touch with Twins Trust, which supports people who have experienced loss during a multiple birth.
For Rhiannon, it’s important to take things day by day.
“I don’t think you ever overcome this,” she says.
“However, the thing that helps me the most is going to visit Mabli. It makes me feel close to her. I never want her to be forgotten.”
For support with twin loss and multiple births, visit twinstrust. org