Before a first date, I call his office to check his job title, or look up his business accounts at Companies House...
of an insecure, needy partner. I earned four times the salary of one man I dated. At first, I couldn’t understand why he was so quick to anger. But slowly, I came to see that he just didn’t feel good enough for me.
Whenever we had a disagreement, he would bring up the difference in our finances as if it was my fault — ‘I can’t financially provide for you,’ he’d whinge. I wasted hours trying to reassure him, reminding him that I valued his other qualities, such as kindness.
But nothing I said could change the way he felt and I refused to engage with such guilt trips, so, inevitably, we split up.
For years, I blamed myself for my failures in love, telling myself I was too ‘business-focused’.
One man even told me I was not relationship material because I was too busy earning money.
But after my breakup with Ben, two years ago, I adopted a new approach.
As well as doing my research, I ask pretty direct questions on a first date, including whether a man has any debt, what kind of house he lives in (and if he owns it) — and if he doesn’t want to answer, well, I assume he’s hiding something.
Most men are stunned, the majority laugh nervously and the rare one I actually want to be with respects me for being so blunt and answers honestly. I might have fewer relationships but they are far better quality.
I’ve come to realise that true love grows only when you’re on the same page. Looks and passion are no longer as important to me.
This isn’t sexist — I’m sure it’s just the same for wealthy men dating women who earn less.
These days, I’m even careful about whom I allow into my friendship groups. If they don’t earn the same income as me, jealousy will always rear its head. Friends on different incomes really don’t have a future.
Since I changed my approach two years ago, my love life has improved beyond belief. The man I dated most recently had his own business and earns about the same as me.
On our first date, he thought it was funny when I said I’d checked him out online. During our six months together, we went to high-end hotels and restaurants and spent time together that didn’t involve slobbing on the sofa watching Netflix.
It’s not just about dating rich men. But I do believe a true partner must not resent your success or feel threatened by it.
I’m not shy or embarrassed about admitting this. After all, a few generations ago, it was accepted that your life partner should be of roughly the same social and economic standing.
We have rejected that traditional approach and I believe we are less happy as a result.
I’m not intimidated by money any more. I’m not afraid to say that if you are the wealthiest person in the room, then you need to be in a different room. And the same goes for a romantic relationship.
My love life has improved since I changed my approach