AND . . . BAN THE WORD ‘RETIREMENT’
CUT BACK ON THE SHOPPING
They blazed a trail at work and now Britain’s baby boomers are ripping up the retirement rulebook. Here, former Radio Times editor GILL HUDSON lays down the new rules
COnTenTMenT doesn’t come easy to the consumer generation. We’ve spent our working lives striving to not just cover the bills but to fund a never-ending list of things to buy.
now I have to live on less, but though I’m not exactly rolling in readies, nor do I have to make impossible choices between eating or have the heating on. I count my blessings. I have enough. life is not about spending. When faced with the question ‘do I actually need this?’ the answer is almost invariably ‘no’.
WILL YOU STAY IN TOUCH, REALLY?
A fRIend who stayed in the same job for years ‘because of the people’ was shocked to realise two years after retiring that she is in contact with just one former colleague.
Retirement soon sorts true friends from those you just used to share an office with. It’s a sobering reminder of how fleeting work relationships can be.
BE NICE TO YOUR PARTNER
ReTIReMenT can be a challenge for baby-boomer relationships. My generation of women has been more economically independent and the men (at least a bit) more domestically active. With mutual dependency reduced, we’ve ramped up our expectations of emotional and physical fulfilment.
Over the years, as those kneebuckling take-me-now moments have morphed into ‘Poldark’s on in five — tea?’, more than one friend in a long-term partnership has admitted to feeling like doing something drastic.
But there’s quite a gulf between being unbearably miserable in a relationship and feeling a bit bored. As a self-help guru once said, if it’s excitement you want, try hang-gliding first — as a newly retired friend did. She swears it saved her marriage.
While the most recent divorce figures for over-65s have shown a marked increase (largely down to there being more over-65s now), there has also been an increase in so-called ‘silver splicers’ (older people who marry or remarry) — up by 46 per cent.
Just because a relationship didn’t work, it doesn’t mean we’ve given up on wanting better ones in the future. I’m a classic example. When I met Mr Very Right Indeed seven years ago, we moved in together within 18 months and married soon after.
THE ANSWER TO A TRICKY QUESTION
‘And what do you do?’ It was so easy when the answer was ‘I’m a magazine editor’. Instant status. I can’t pretend I don’t miss it.
These days I just smile and reply: ‘How long have you got?’
It’s now more a case of who I am rather than what I do — and ‘who I am’ has turned out to be far more fluid and liberating than my previous incarnation. I hadn’t expected that.
IT’S TIME TO GIVE SOMETHING BACK
I lIked the idea of spending my retirement in an orgy of selfindulgence, but after a few weeks of catching up with friends, city breaks and theatre trips, I knew it wasn’t going to satisfy me in the long run. I still needed to contribute.
Some of my most fulfilling moments involve community projects such as a refurbishment plan for our village hall, setting up a cinema club and running a litter-picking scheme.
Other friends have got involved in pursuits — from taking Open University degrees to becoming artists, jewellery makers or gardeners. And they enjoy volunteering (check out
volunteeringmatters.org.uk) and some great literacy schemes (try literacytrust.org.uk, readeasy.org. uk or beanstalkcharity.org.uk). Whoever said true happiness is the combination of pleasure and purpose knew what they were talking about. ReTIReMenT implies a shutting down, a withdrawal. But when I look at my generation of women I see anything but.
This is a time of growth and discovery, an exploration of all those sides to ourselves we’ve had no time for until now.
We’re seeking a new dynamic between our busy working worlds and a more home-based future, familiar to our mothers, but less so to us. Why should our working lives be all or nothing? Maybe we can find a better work-life balance. let’s face it, we’ll never really retire, will we?