A lot to ponder when you’re just pond life

I am a little amoeba, a-floatin’ up and down, In a great big pond I swim about a-trying not to drown. Sometimes I does the breaststroke, though I haven’t got no chest, And no arms have I either, but I try to do me best. I’m but a one-celled creature and a brain I ’aven’t got, Yet as I casually float around I contemplate a lot. You would be surprised about what I like to think, Such as why I’m always wet and why seaweed don’t ’alf stink. And why the other simple cells don’t like to stop and chat, Although, I guess, like me — they don’t have a mouth for that. And why we don’t ’ave mothers, nor come to that a dad, And not even politicians — oh well, it’s not all bad. I’ve always thought I’d like to leave and explore the world beyond, There must be more to life than this; something bigger than a pond. Oh well, I’d ’ate to think that this ’ere life was all there was to it, I’m growin’ up you see, and now it’s time to split ... I feel a strange sensation in me cell — I think I’m going to pop, Me sides are growin’ out; I don’t think they can stop. It’s all that plankton I ate today, I’m fillin’ up with bubbles And now I’ve got an awful stitch to add to all me troubles. How odd, now there are two of me a-floatin’ in the water. Somehow or other I’ve acquired a little son or daughter! I’m goin’ to be busy I can see, bringing up my young amoeba, I do hope it does well in life; it might turn into Justin Bieber. But I’ll just be ’appy if it does well in dolphin school And grows up a credit to me, in this ’ere weedy pool. I’ll be busy teachin’ the little cell the things I have found out With my vast stupendous knowledge of what life is all about.