Today’s poem

JUNGLE FERVOUR

What fun it would be if the next time around, When ‘Jungle’ is back on our screen, Ant and Dec fronting the whole show again With well-known celebs to be seen. Not filled with characters somewhat remote, (C-listers from long days of yore), And (in the hope of not being unkind) Some we’ve not heard of before! Of course Michael Buerk is a recognised face, (Though he’s in mid-crisis, it’s true), But, honestly, what is that man doing there? (Quite frankly, one hasn’t a clue). Let’s have Heston Blumenthal from the Fat Duck, Attempting the Bushtucker Trial. Chewing on testicles of a baboon While wearing a most sickly smile. And Jeremy Paxman would be good to choose, Where spiders in bed he might find. He’d fix them with one of his quizzical frowns And give them a piece of his mind. And how would sweet Cara (her name’s Delevingne), Cope with a primitive loo? In trendy green wellies and armed with a spade, And cute, bushy eyebrows askew. We’d love Mary Berry to be on the show, Swinging from one tree to t’other. As if it were easy as baking a cake, (She’s such a raunchy grandmother). For sure, Russell Brand in the jungle could cope, With reptiles that get out of hand. He’d bore the poor creatures from morning till night, With typical rhetoric bland. Sadly, Ann Widdecombe one can’t include, Strictly because of the way, She’d whirl like a banshee for most of the time, And scare all the insects away! Robert Ben-Nathan, Denham, Bucks.

...and Limerick

I was saddened when hearing it said, That critics are hounding poor Ed. Though numbers are growing, Ed says: ‘I’m not going,’ Which makes his detractors see red.