JONATHAN CAINER
Venus forms a conjunction to saturn today, just as Mars completes a right angle to uranus. That’s a constructive cosmic convergence. Because this ‘square’ between Mars and uranus happens so soon after Monday’s conjunction of Mars and Pluto, it effectively reawakens the sleeping energy of the current series of seven squares between uranus and Pluto. The next exact iteration of this alignment will occur in December. The last will take place in March 2015. People across the globe are having to decide whether their most positive beliefs are more powerful than their fears . . . and make choices accordingly!
ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 WHEN a frog shoots out its tongue to capture a fly, there is rarely any fuss or drama. It all happens in a split second. One moment the fly is a fly, the next it is dinner. Meanwhile, the lily pad continues to float serenely above the surface of the lake and the rest of nearby nature goes about its business. Now, I’m not trying to compare you to such an amphibian in any other way. You have spotted something and if your response now is quick and even; nothing else needs to change. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5601.
TAURUS Apr 21 — May 21 THE wheels on the bus may be going round and round, but if the vehicle has become caught on a speed bump, this could cause a gap between tyre and Tarmac. No matter how hard the driver revs his engine, no traction will be gained. The passengers may have to be temporarily off-loaded, or at least shepherded to the rear so that their weight is above the back axle. Only a brief, minor adjustment needs to be made now. But it may appear like a much more complicated process is being pursued. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5602.
GEMINI May 22 — June 22 SOMEWHERE in this cosmos there must be some kind of holiday resort that caters only to guardian angels. Even angels are entitled to take a break, so a group of freefloating wing-beaters takes it in turn to provide holiday cover from time to time. Perhaps that is why your cosmic protector is behaving in such a surprising fashion. But even if they aren’t handling the basics very well, they may yet do better at meeting some of your less immediately obvious needs. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5603.
CANCER June 23 — July 23 YESTERDAY, we quoted a song by the Smiths, called Accept Yourself. Given the state of the sky, it seems only appropriate to remind you of another song with a superficialsounding title, Respect Yourself, as made famous by The Staple Singers in 1971. The message of the song is obvious from the title and you don’t need a degree in psychology — or astrology — to understand why I am drawing your attention to it. And it is easy to do, too, just as long as you persuade yourself you deserve this. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5604.
LEO July 24 — Aug 23 ‘IF I ruled the world . . .’ There are several songs on this theme and various artistes have covered them. Yesterday, I mentioned one by the rapper Nas. This, in turn, was a cover of an earlier hit by Curtis Blow. It all goes to show just what a common fantasy the idea of global domination must be. You won’t (and can’t) get to rule the whole world today. But you are about to discover just how much influence and authority you wield within your own particular sub-section of it. And that is a lot! Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5605.
VIRGO Aug 24 — Sep 23 THE artist Mondrian spent much time painting coloured squares. Their exact hue was very important — as was the thickness of the black lines that bordered them. Had these been just millimetres different, would it really have affected the immense price his works still fetch? I am not an art critic. I would not dream of suggesting that he might have been a little too precious. But are you now worrying more than you need to about the precise width of a line in
your life that you are trying to draw? Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5606.
LIBRA Sep 24 — Oct 23 NEARLY a week has gone by, yet we are none the wiser about the identity of the Grand Old Duke of York. Nor do we know why he led 10,000 men to the top of the hill and then back down again. But from this old line, we can infer that he completed it without loss of limb or life. And for that, he must surely be commended. We should take the same view about any change you are contemplating. If all that is at stake is a little pride, why shouldn’t you reverse a decision? Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5607.
SCORPIO Oct 24 — Nov 22 HELLO! I hope you don’t mind that I have started your forecast with such a short sentence. Some people are very sensitive about punctuation and I would hate to cause offence by challenging standard grammatical protocol. Then again, I might create even greater controversy if I now fill the space that ought to be your prediction with musings that meander around the topic of literary etiquette. What matters is, surely, all that matters. Don’t wander too far from a crucial point today. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5608.
SAGITTARIUS Nov 23 — Dec 21 WHEN using the phrase ‘elephant in the room’, we should ensure we are not discussing a room that has been purpose-built to house such a creature. A zoo, for example — although many might argue there is whichno suchto keep thing an as elephant.an appropriateThese animals structure in deserve a larger, more natural enclosure. But if no room is ever fit for an elephant, that may be all the more reason, today, to start discussing the undiscussable. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5609.
CAPRICORN Dec 22 — Jan 20 MY FORECAST over the past few days has taken a tone that might be seen as ever so slightly paranoid. This is not, I must stress, because I perceive you are in any way prone to harbouring unwarranted suspicions. To the contrary, it is because I fear that an element of uncharacteristic naivety has slipped through your normally tight net. Believe, by all means, any positive suggestions you hear. But should you encounter an apparent doom-monger, be wary of their hidden agenda. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5610.
AQUARIUS Jan 21 — Feb 19 ‘OH please, Brer Fox,’ whimpered Brer Rabbit, ‘whatever you do, don’t throw me into the briar patch.’ Those who were treated in childhood to tales of these characters will recall Brer Rabbit was a crafty little chap. The briar patch was precisely the place he wanted to be thrown into. He was using reverse psychology. I am not trying to cast you in the role of Brer Fox, but I do wonder whether, in their frequent exhortations, a certain person doth protest too much. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5611.
PISCES Feb 20 — Mar 20 IF WE are all supposed to put our best foot forward, what should we do about our worst one? Do we just drag it behind us? Or should we consider what makes it the less satisfactory of the pair? Is it the one that contains our Achilles heel? Might it be that your greatest sense of impediment is potentially the issue which, if only it were properly understood, might facilitate the greatest progress? Life now offers you the chance to start striding in an area where you have lately been tiptoeing. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5612.