It’s been tough but now I know how lucky I am, says McGowan
PAUL McGowan spends his Wednesdays off painting fences and lifting litter. Part of a 130-hour community s ervice order for assaulting two police offi cers l ast August, it’s hard, occasionally menial, work.
Yet it serves to remind the St Mirren attacker how lucky he is. Not only to be playing football for a living, but also to have his l i berty after facing up to the very real prospect of a jail term.
Paisley boss Danny Lennon took internal disciplinary action over the incident but decided against sacking the player, who was reduced to a shadow of his former self by the worry and stress. Now McGowan feels duty bound to repay his manager’s faith by aiding St Mirren’s quest to avoid the SPFL play-off spot.
‘Personally, it has been a tough season,’ said the 26-year-old. ‘I’ve had a lot of off-the-field issues and I’m starting to slowly, but surely, get it all back together.
‘It’s been hard. It’s one of those things I’ll learn from.’
A jittery Hibernian travel to Paisley today, with the Saints having secured a morale-boosting win over Motherwell last time out.
The Edinburgh side risk being dragged i nto the panicking pack — and the pressure is huge. Yet McGowan regards football as his release f rom the off-field demons which have made this his worst season in football.
Asked what he has learned from his self- destructive behaviour, he said: ‘That’s a hard question. That you take things for granted is the main thing. Things happen. When they happen, you realise what you’ve got.
‘No matter how good you are or think you are, it’s a hard one. But the club have been great and hopefully I can repay them by helping them stay in the league.
‘ It’s been one of those seasons when we hit form then haven’t. I’ll just be glad when the final game ends and I can clear my mind.
‘It was hard. Trying to play again and worrying about the other side of what happened. It was stupidity on my behalf.’
There is a weekly reminder of his folly every Wednesday. The community service is a l most over but the realisation of what he almost lost will stay with the former Celtic player for years.
‘ We’re off t r aining on Wednesday,’ he said. ‘So I do litter picking, painting. Stuff like that.
‘The community work has been rewarding. You are giving something back. It’s not ideal that you’re out there every Wednesday doing it, of course. But I’ve done my punishment and I’ve not long to go.
‘I’m grateful for everything I’ve got i n football. I’ve worked so hard for it. It’s not as though it’s been given to me on a plate — in training, I put in 100 per cent every day. Anything I’ve got, I have achieved on my own merit. I don’t want to lose it.’
In one sense, his livelihood remains at stake. The risk of a custodial sentence has gone, but McGowan finds himself threatened by the danger of relegation. After a year of turmoil, football now has some perspective.
‘Jobs are at stake but that doesn’t worry me,’ he insisted. ‘The prospect of going into a play- off does worry me a bit — but I’m confident we’ve got enough in here to steer us to safety.
‘You can’t think about it at home every night. You would end up not right — so I think switching off is good, so you can come back with a clear mi n d . It’s the most nerve- r acking end to a season I have had.’
Today’s opponents Hibs, meanwhile, seem angered to be considered part of the relegation dogfight.
Standing in for an ill Terry Butcher at his weekly media conference, assistant Maurice Malpas was openly i r ked by people being ‘desperate’ for the Easter Road club — with just one win in their last 14 matches — to finish in the play-offs.
‘A lot of people want us to be down there because it’s good for them,’ said Malpas.
‘But we will use that in such a way that helps our team’s performance.
‘What will it take to avoid the play- offs? It will take whatever it takes. It’s tight down there and everyone will think they can beat each other. But we will have enough points to stay up – I am sure of it!
‘If you spoke to the other clubs they would rather be in our position because of how many points we have but we must just concentrate on getting the three points against St Mirren.
‘Then we’ll go on to the next game and it’s three points against Hearts.’