JONATHAN CAINER
Dear Jonathan, I really want to do well at school and in my exams, but I’m finding it terribly difficult. My mind is constantly cluttered. There is lots of pressure to be more organised and responsible. I am a Cancerian, aged 14. Stephen Dear Stephen, That’s not a Cancerian trait: that’s something everyone wrestles with. But we all find different ways to pull our minds into focus and develop discipline. Perhaps I should write a series outlining the best method for each sign. For Cancerians, the ideal technique involves dedicating all your efforts to someone you truly care about.
ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 FOR many years, governments issued their soldiers with cigarettes. Today, this seems unthinkable. To understand this at all, we have to ask how far any culture of health and safety can extend to a climate of warfare. There were greater dangers to take into account than those posed by carcinogens. But if something ranks relatively low on a scale of comparison with a horrific top end, does that make it OK? It is not enough just to favour the lesser of two evils. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5601.
TAURUS Apr 21 — May 21 ‘AND more, much more than this, I did it my way...’ So goes the old Frank Sinatra song, much loved in karaoke bars and a popular choice, too, at many a funeral. We can all relate to the sentiment, yet we can relate to it only individually, not collectively! One person’s definition of ‘my way’ is never going to be the same as someone else’s. Even when like-minded people get together to do things ‘their way’, there will often be quibbles over the details. But you should be singing a song of compromise. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5602.
GEMINI May 22 — June 22 EVERY moment has the potential to be magical, delightful, joyous and inspiring. Why, then, doesn’t every moment feel like this to us? It must be something we are doing wrong! But then, if we allow ourselves to worry about where we may be making a mistake, would we not be making an even bigger mistake? The key to happiness may seem elusive, but one way to find it is to refrain from indulging in too much anxiety or self-criticism. Give yourself the support you deserve. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5603.
CANCER June 23 — July 23 LET US imagine, for the sake of argument, that you have been loaned a time machine. You can use it only once, but you can go back to any event in your past, relive it in full and, should you choose, alter the way it all turned out. That’s got you thinking, hasn’t it? Yet, in a way, isn’t that what you are doing a lot of these days? Using your memory as the transportation device and your opinion as the game-changer, you keep returning to a piece of history. Isn’t it better to leave it behind? Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5604.
LEO July 24 — Aug 23 YOU never like feeling sidelined, overlooked or under-valued. When you suspect others aren’t treating you with the respect you deserve, you cannot help but want to give them a taste of their own medicine. But if their bad behaviour is unconscious, they may not even know what they are doing, so they can’t see why they have caused upset. Lately, there have been confused communications. If you set out to set this right, your efforts will be more warmly welcomed than you expect. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5605. VIRGO RARELY are Virgos
Aug 24 — Sep 23 unwilling to listen to reason. In your view, reason is one of the things that makes the world go round. We could all do with a lot more of it and you are always happy to supply as much as you can. But when you hear something that sounds unreasonable but presented as if it were inarguably correct, you quite rightly take offence. While Mercury is retrograde, you need to think more about why someone who must be wrong feels so sure they must be right. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5606. LIBRA Sep 24 — Oct 23 MANY websites are displaying photos of a small area from the surface of Mars that has been colourfully named Dingo Gap. This is where you’ll find the Curiosity Mars rover. It sends pictures to Earth. Then Earth sends back instructions saying where to go and take a picture of next. Here is proof positive that events on one planet can influence events on another. And how is Mars influencing your life? By blessing you with great determination and energy. Use it well. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5607.
SCORPIO Oct 24 — Nov 22 ONLY sparkling wine that has been produced in a particular region of France can be called champagne. But we would be very wrong to assume any bottle bearing this name is sure to be superior. Great vineyards and wineries around the globe produce magnificent fermentations that compete on quality and cost. A true connoisseur understands that a name is a somewhat unreliable indication of content. In your personal search for the very best, must you not look beyond the superficial? Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5608.
SAGITTARIUS Nov 23 — Dec 21 ‘ALWAYS look on the bright side of life ...’ So sings the eponymous hero in Monty Python’s Life Of Brian at the end of the film, as the camera pans back to show how miserably hopeless are his circumstances. That’s why it is funny. It appeals to our dark sense of humour. Yet it also raises a question: What else should he do — or sing? Would it be any more helpful to launch into a dirge? Even the worst of your problems are nowhere near as bad as his. Just keep smiling. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5609.
CAPRICORN Dec 22 — Jan 20 YOU were born blessed with great natural wisdom. It is almost as if you have an inner weathervane that responds to various invisible winds. Even if there is a gale of false optimism blowing, your intuition will refuse to be blown in that direction. But can you be just as sure of your own resistance to false fear? Can you remain steadfast, even when you are hearing some seemingly convincing arguments in favour of a pessimistic prognosis? Why, of course, you can. Just be strong. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5610.
AQUARIUS Jan 21 — Feb 19 YOU feel you have heard enough about a particular topic. You are no longer interested in the pros and cons of a particular argument. If it is not for me to say whether a day is auspicious for robbing banks, it is hardly my place to judge whether you are justified in your selective deafness. But I ought to point out that people rarely look favourably on those who appear to be ignoring them. There are good reasons why you should, at least, pay a matter some lip service. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5611.
PISCES Feb 20 — Mar 20 FAIRY tales, it often seems, are full of pitiful princesses upon whom unfair fates are bestowed by malevolent fairies. The best we are told they can hope for is a long phase of adversity, followed by a series of more pleasing developments that eventually make everything feel as if it was worthwhile. But don’t such stories preach an insidious message of passive acceptance? In your life, you may feel you must accept a particular destiny. But a retrograde Mercury insists you can challenge this. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got a romance prediction for you. It covers the whole of the rest of the year. For news that you will be so glad to hear, call 0906 751 5612.