We shouldn’t be obsessed with blame

INEVITABLY I make a mistake from time to time, otherwise I’d be infallible, wouldn’t I? Cue Mr P.M. Buckley: ‘Regarding your typically biased reply (February 16) on men breaking up the marital home, a very simple internet trawl would show that women instigate more than twice (2.34 times) as many marital break-ups. Still, when has the truth ever mattered to misandrist ‘journalists’ such as you?’ My first response was to shrug that the guy obviously does not read this column regularly, otherwise he couldn’t possibly think me anti-men. Not at all. I love men and often take up the cudgels on their behalf. Then came this, far more measured, note from Mr D. Anderson: ‘You wrote, “So yes, the men (and it is they who break up homes in the majority of cases ) . . . ” This is actually incorrect insofar as women file for the majority of divorces (around two-thirds of the time . . . ). I just wanted to correct your generalisation, which is plainly feminist propaganda. I enjoy your advice page, so hope you will take the time to look at the actual current reality.’ So I did look — and I do apologise. My original comment was actually taken from an article about Chris Huhne’s son’s bitter estrangement from his father. What I had in mind — and what is certainly the generalised overview of this column — is that even if the woman has instigated the divorce, it tends to be in response to her husband’s affair/coldness/bad-temper/ alcoholism/porn addiction. So if a man has gone off with his lover or had a series of affairs, and the wife files for divorce — who instigates the split? Statistically, yes, the wife. Who broke the marriage? The husband. But does it make that much difference? Only if you have a narrow, gender-biased view. My important point was that, whoever was at fault, parents must protect the children from their hatred and hurt. Please let’s focus on that.