Caring for the carers
How to look after yourself when looking after loved ones
It’s a shocking statistic, but our ageing population means that the charity Carers UK estimates that two-thirds of UK adults can expect to become an unpaid carer during their lifetime*. And it’s a role that typically falls to women, with half of them needing to change their lives and routines to become a carer before the age of 46. In fact, according to Carers UK, 600 people quit their jobs every day to be carers. The financial and psychological repercussions of this are huge. Two in five carers struggle financially; more than two-thirds are using their own income or savings to cover the cost of looking after an elderly relative. What’s more, the majority of carers report feeling lonely or isolated. This is a huge problem – and it’s getting worse.
The psychology of caring
There are complicated emotions around being a carer, explains clinical psychologist Cath Burley, former chair of the Faculty Of The Psychology Of Older People, part of the British Psychological Society. Expectations about the possibilities life holds can be shattered, as people find themselves tied to caring. The chance to try new things may ebb away because of a parent’s needs, which brings psychological challenges.
One thing to remember, she says, is that caring is like that advice you get in the safety briefing on a plane: always put on your own mask before helping others. In other words, if you’re feeling tired, overwhelmed or depressed, seek help. You need to look after yourself in order to care for others. ‘It’s important to find a way for people to do what they’re able to do, rather than what you feel they “ought” to do,’ she says.
Time to act
So much needs to be done to make life better – and fairer – for the UK’S growing number of people stepping up to the plate to look after their loved ones.
According to Carers UK, a priority is to iron out regional differences – currently some carers qualify for more respite help than others, depending on where they live. Carers UK is calling for the amount in the Better Care Fund – the national funding dedicated to carers’ breaks – to be doubled, and funding ring-fenced so all carers get the breaks they need. The organisation also wants the Carers’ Allowance raised; at present, it’s the lowest benefit of its kind.