I can’t forget about my lover from the gym

QJust as we came out of lockdown, I met and fell deeply in love with a man from my gym. My marriage had been feeling very flat and this new man was great fun.

But my husband found out and I felt so stupid. He forgave me and admitted that he had probably been taking me for granted. Although I have stopped seeing this man, I cannot forget him. Should I move out? If I do my husband has said that it is over between us.

AYour lover had such a dramatic impact on you that I doubt you will ever forget him completely. You may love your husband, but does your marriage give you the thrills that this affair did?

I suspect not, so, inevitably, you are missing that from your life. Don’t throw away all the good things that have come back into your marriage. Your husband was sensitive enough to realise that what happened was probably due to something lacking in your marriage. Work together – perhaps with a counsellor – to bring the spark back.

QI’m so worried about my husband and don’t know what I can do to help him. He’s 42 and over the last six months, he’s regularly suffered from panic attacks.

He says he finds it hard to get his breath, his heart starts thumping and then he feels very woozy. His doctor told him it’s probably triggered by stress and to control these bouts with medication. My husband has rejected counselling and the medication doesn’t seem to be helping.

AI’m afraid your husband’s attitude towards counselling is quite common, but that’s probably small comfort to you. If he really wants to put a stop to these attacks, he should listen to his doctor and arrange to see a counsellor. Although your doctor has said they won’t cause any real harm, the longer they continue, the more emotional damage they can do.

Counselling simply gives people the opportunity to talk through their worries. What is needed is to find a way to help him get to the root cause of the problem.