ON MY MIND

DOWN at the Barking Dog they were highly amused at the emotional catharsis provided by the English football victory over Germany.

They were fascinated by the ‘Ing-ger-land’ chant, which, accompanied by an appropriate amount of alcohol, is claimed to infuse the chanter and the team with super-human qualities.

The chant has similar effects to spinach on Popeye and whatever made the Incredible Hulk so incredible.

When chanted in large AngloSaxon groups, preferably with the three syllables slurred, it is capable of contorting facial features and stiffening the arms in an upright position.

‘Ingerlandish’ is possibly a dialect of Old English and came into the country with the 5th century Germanic tribal settlers reportedly led by tribal sports manager Beornwulf Klopp who possibly introduced the beautiful game of ‘der Fußball‘ into Wales.

The language has a liberal smattering of four-letter words now regarded as unacceptable in non-football contexts and, as a result of the influence of tribal leader Widmund the Spittle, players are expected to spit periodically on the ground.

Conversation at the Barking Dog turned to whether the people of Wales should support England in their European matches.

One member of the ‘English Not’ society choked on his pint at the suggestion and the thought of Jurgen Klopp showering in Liverpool water from Tryweryn.

There may have been a chance of reversing the ‘anyone but England attitude’ if it had not been for a partisan popular press, the absurd toxic nationalism repeatedly reported in the media and the confrontational behaviour of many fans.

It is also a reminder of the inability to distinguish between Britain and England and respect the Welsh national identity. It’s no wonder local football manager Owain ap Klopp confessed: “I support two teams: Wales and whoever are playing England.”