‘I shouldn’t be where I am, having grown up in care: I beat the odds...’
KOBY HAD A DIFFICULT CHILDHOOD, BUT HAS GONE ON TO GET A DEGREE AND JOB AS A GOVERNMENT ADVISER
A UNIVERSITY graduate who was neglected as a child has opened up about growing up in care and succeeding when the “odds were stacked against him”.
Koby Davis was nine years old when he was placed into the care of the local authority.
He told the Mercury that both of his parents had drug and alcohol dependencies, leaving him facing severe neglect.
Spending most of his childhood bouncing between more than 20 children’s homes and not learning to read or write until he was in his early teens, he said he should not be where he is today.
The 21-year-old said he carried scars – mental and physical – with him throughout his life in care, leaving him unable to properly settle with foster carers.
“I didn’t want to trust anyone, especially men, because of how violent my dad was,” he said.
But despite his experiences at home in Lutterworth at the time, he said, he was reluctant to be in the care of anyone else.
“Even though my parents were bad, I still loved them. When you’re that young you don’t see your parents as flawed. So I struggled to settle anywhere.”
At each children’s home he went to, he refused to settle in and behaved badly to get himself moved elsewhere.
“I spent my time running from kids’ homes and put myself in a lot of risky situations,” he said.
As a teenager, he left school early, began to self-harm and attempted suicide – later being sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
When he was 16, Koby appeared in Youth Court for damaging property in a children’s home.
“I was on a bad path, I blamed myself for what happened to me,” he said.
But as he approached the end of his time in care he wanted to turn his life around.
“I was developing slower and it was coming to the end of my care but I was at a place where I wasn’t ready to go,” he said.
Living semi-independently at the time, Koby went to college to study hair and beauty and health and social care, while working part-time in a friend’s cafe.
At 18, he was still working in hospitality, surrounded by university students.
“I was dyslexic and that held me back
and, having no real qualifications, I didn’t think I could go to uni,” he said.
But a social worker he was working with at the time encouraged him to try and helped him write a letter to De Montfort University, explaining his circumstances and his reasons for wanting to join.
He was invited for an interview and went on to study youth and community, eventually graduating with a 2:1 grade.
“The lecturer really took a risk on me and, with the help of the local authority, I’ve been able to get here,” he said.
Despite his turbulent past, Koby said it was the care he received that helped him change his life.
But, he said, others have not always been as lucky.
At the age of 13, he became close to another boy, Oliver, whom he considered a younger brother.
They eventually parted ways and several years later Koby heard that Oliver had taken his own life.
“I felt like I had survivor’s guilt. It pains to me know that he couldn’t have the life he could have. I know there are so many other young people out there like me – there’s so much stigma around care kids.
“They shouldn’t just be disregarded at 16 as people who won’t make it anywhere because of circumstances that weren’t their fault.
“I haven’t gone through the conventional routes in life and it hasn’t mattered.”
After completing his degree last year, Koby secured a job as a policy adviser for the Department of Health and moved to London in December.
Still estranged from his parents, he said he sees them as “flawed individuals” but does not hate them.
He has been working with Leicestershire County Council, looking into how young people in care can be best supported after turning 18.
“There’s often a negative view of children’s services but for me, it was the package of care that I was given that gave me access to where I am now.
“I shouldn’t be here – I’ve beaten the odds.”