FAMILY MATTERS A THE SECRET’S

S ANY parent whose child has just started school for the first time will attest, finding out what little one’s been up to all day is like getting blood out of a stone.

Often the response is a shrug, or a simple (and frustrating), “Nothing”, but there’s a very good reason they’re so noncommittal says Shona Goodall, a clinical psychologist at Sheffield Children’s Hospital NHS Trust, who’s also one of the new faces on Channel 4’s The Secret Life Of 4 And 5 Year Olds.

“They’re really, really tired and they don’t always show it or tell you. And, generally at four, they can’t hold in mind anything they’ve done through the day, so as a parent, don’t be put off.”

Instead of asking direct questions, suggests Shona, it’s better to engage them with a prompt or an observation.

“If they’re smiling, you might say, ‘You look like you’ve had a good day’, and then leave it and see what they say, or you might say, ‘You’re looking a bit tired, shall we get you a snack?’ More of a commentary to try and engage them is what I find tends to help with a tired child.”

The documentary series, which started in 2015, returns next week with more fascinating insights into why our children behave in the way they do. Here Shona answers pressing questions about what’s really going on in their heads... little stroke and say, ‘Aw, you’re sitting really well’ – there’s something about the ‘-ing’ action that encourages someone to keep doing something.

“Children really respond to being noticed in the moment.” there’s an age at which theory of mind comes on board and they start to understand what the meaning of sharing is and then, around seven and eight, they start to understand the equality and morals of sharing.

“So, it happens in layers across time, and the depth of understanding around what sharing means changes over time.

“Children start to realise when somebody didn’t share with me, I didn’t like it, so I will share with them because they’re my friend.

“That varies from around age four to around six. So, some of our four-year-olds can be quite advanced and some can be quite