Polly Vernon
Last week, I spent a vast sum of money on a coat. So much money that, whenever anyone asks how much, I am self-shamed into couching the fififigure with elaborate explanations of how I cashed in all available discounts for it, which immediately makes them say, ‘Oooh! Do you get discounts? How much? Can I use them?’ Which goes to prove that thing my friend Vix says: on hearing a new piece of information about you, the average person waits 12.7 seconds before working out what’s in it for them.
Once we’ve got discount chat out of the way, me and whoever inevitably move on to Key Stage Two of the Very Expensive Coat (VEC) conversation, which is when that other person excuses my outrageous extravagance by saying, ‘At least you’ll have it forever!’ At which point, I am forced to contradict them. Because – I won’t.
I am going to say it, here and now, out loud, for the fifirst time: I am not one of those people who keeps any fashion thing forever. I’d love to. To have such enduring style, I could spend 27 squillion on a coat in the expectation I’d wear it ‘forever’. But I don’t. I won’t. I knew, even as I entered my credit card details into the checkout system of matchesfashion.com (purveyor of this – and other – fine VECS), even as I took delivery of my VEC, even as I discovered it was as beautiful – no! More beautiful! – than I’d hoped when I saw it online; even as I tried it with bits from my existing wardrobe and realised my new VEC worked with nearly everything I own… Even then, I knew I would not have my VEC forever. I know me. I know I will love this VEC for this winter and the one after that. I know I will still like my VEC – very much indeed! – by winter three. But by winter four? I will almost certainly be over it. Bored by its silhouette, wearied by its vibe. Also: I’ll have stained it with the ghost spillage of a thousand ancient lattes.
So here I am, for the first time in my fashion life, confronting the bald fact that I am not a ‘you’ll have it forever!’ type woman. It’s sad, but self-knowledge is so important. I hereby officially close that line of purchase-justification to myself. I’m left calculating how much my VEC costs, after discount, and when divided by the amount of winters I’ll love/wear it, a figure I’ll offset against estimated resale on ebay price.
(And no. You can’t use my discounts.)