‘OUR GREATEST PLEASURE IS DOING THINGS TOGETHER’
Having juggled successful acting careers with a happy family life, Imelda Staunton and Jim Carter talk about their 36-year marriage and working together on the new Downton film
Imelda Staunton and Jim Carter talk marriage and Downton Abbey
‘I felt I had found a kindred spirit’
Jim and I met when we were in a National Theatre production of Guys And Dolls. He was playing a gangster and I was one of the ‘Hot Box’ girls. I was 26 and he was 34. He was sitting behind me in the read-through and I thought, ‘Who is that old bloke?’ How weird is that, thinking he was old rather than, ‘Oh, he is rather tall and handsome and lovely’?
On Valentine’s Day, all the girls in the cast and the two or three gay guys got a card. It was so lovely and good fun, and I found out that Jim had sent them, which I thought was a nice thing to do. At the time, I was going out with someone else, so it took a while for anything to develop. We started going out about a year after we had first met, and married 10 months later, in October 1983. I knew he was the right person for me. We are both sociable, and I felt I had found a kindred spirit.
Jim has always been good at surprises.
I have Irish ancestry, so for our wedding he organised an Irish piper outside Marylebone register office – and some fireworks, which you wouldn’t be allowed now, of course!
We had been married for about 10 years when I found myself looking in prams: the biological clock had kicked in. Our daughter Bessie was born in October 1993, and Jim and I had to prise ourselves apart to let this extraordinary creature into our lives. It was tougher than either of us ever expected and I had postnatal depression, which was a shock. I felt I had to be the perfect mother. In my job I am always trying to get it absolutely right; I thought I had to get parenthood absolutely right, too – I think we both did. But we made sure that however we were feeling, Bessie was never affected by it. All the good bits of energy went into looking after this little baby.
That horrible time ends as suddenly as it begins, and you have this little mate in your life. It was lovely being a tight unit. I am an only child, too, so I don’t think Bessie was damaged by that. We took turns to work so one of us could be at home. Jim was great as a dad, he was great at making up games for her and saying, ‘Let her climb that tree.’ The joy that Bessie gave us, and the excitement of getting stuff ready for birthdays or Christmases, we just loved that. We absolutely had a second childhood with her.
Now we have this lovely girl who is 5ft 9in: there is no question of a ‘mini me’ at all. She
We are not the same people as we were when we got married. You change, and you change together
could dive into the water aged five, which is something I would never do, and has these long legs: it is just wonderful that she is everything that is nothing to do with me.
Bessie is making her own way as an actor, and I am glad she is doing it. I am sure it is a mixed blessing to be our daughter; you don’t want people talking about her parents, you want people talking about her. She does ask us things and it is nice to be a reference point for her if she wants it.
Before Downton Abbey, people recognised Jim but they didn’t quite know where from. So being cast as Mr Carson catapulted him into being looked at quite a lot, which
I think he found quite weird at first. During the whole time of filming, Jim was also running our local cricket club in north London. I was appearing in theatre productions of Sweeney Todd, Gypsy and Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? We were both flat out for about seven years.
Now I am doing more cinema and TV and less theatre. It has been nice for the last couple of years to come home at night. We’re enjoying this stage where we can spend more time together, doing gardening, going on holiday and seeing friends.
My part in the new Downton Abbey film was a shock. The script arrived out of the blue and I was surprised to be upstairs, not downstairs. I play Lady Bagshaw, who is a cousin of the family. It was lovely to be part of something that people will be crying out for. I know it’s not me who is the attraction, it’s the regular characters that fans will be coming to see, like Jim.
In October we will have been married for 36 years and I am sure we will do something special to mark it. We like to do things for each other, we never let things go by, and I hope we won’t ever take each other for granted. Imelda and I had the luxury of becoming best friends before we became a couple. That is the good thing about working together: you get to know each other before you realise there is something else going on. It took us a while to notice that we each looked for each other first when we arrived at the theatre. I wanted to make her laugh. Once we’d started going out, quite quickly we decided to get married. We realised this was different from our other relationships and it was probably going to last for ever, and almost 36 years later it still works. So that is good! We had been married for 10 years before we had Bessie. We were both happy and fulfilled with work, but more and more the conversation came round to, ‘Should we have kids?’ I think we felt we would regret it if we didn’t try. Becoming parents was more of a shock than we expected, but at the same time I was 45 and had been acting for about 20 years, so this child was the new thing in my life. I wanted to be a good dad and I was determined to enjoy it, which I did. I loved the playing and the fun and games. I was lucky I could be around. Some dads work from 7am until late at night and see their kids in bed; I wouldn’t have wanted that.
We have lived in the same house for 26 years; we moved here when Imelda was pregnant. It is a real family home. We had a treehouse and swings in the garden, and friends who came round to play in paddling pools. It was a kind of old-fashioned, unsophisticated childhood.
Bessie always wanted to be an actor and why would we put her off? She has seen us have a wonderful time, laughing along with wonderful friends. She has it in her DNA. It is just there and we knew she was doing it out of love.
Imelda is the wisest person I know. She reads people incredibly well and has an instinctive kindness and generosity. I think she is the best actor in the country; she is an extraordinary talent. We take work for different reasons. Imelda needs to act and I need to work. I don’t need to act, I just need to get out of the house! Downton has been a lovely bonus and I am very grateful for its success. It took us all by surprise and it has been an amazing ride.
In the new film, Imelda and I didn’t have any scenes together as such, as we were in separate stories. She was sitting on the other side of a dining table and I was standing at the side, refusing to catch her eye. We don’t seek to work together because it is nice to do separate things. Who is going to cast us as husband and wife with the height discrepancy? People would just say, ‘They can’t be married!’
We are not the same people as we were when we got married. You change, and you change together. Keep talking and keep laughing; we amuse each other inordinately. We find each other funny, our tastes have grown together and our greatest pleasure is doing things together. The garden, the holidays, experiences: they are always best done together. • Downton Abbey is released in cinemas on 13 September
My part in the new Downton Abbey film was a total shock ‘We amuse each other inordinately’