Your jokes on International Joke Day

What kind of hair does the sea have? Wavy Sandy Hiddleston

It’s the school holidays so it’s gonnae be sunny all summer Marianne Garety

I walked passed a graveyard with a friend and he said do you know the woman that invented the crossword is buried in there. She’s 4 down, 5 across

Brad Muir

What do you call a man wi a seagull on his heid – Cliff! Alan Raeburn

A wee duck walks into a pub, sits down and orders a pint of beer and a plate of haggis. The barman says, "Well, we don’t get many ducks in here”. “I'm a plasterer”, says the duck. “I'm working on the building site across the road”. “Wow!! You're amazin'. I reckon I could get you a job at the local circus. My brother is ringmaster. You should give him a call”. “The Circus?’, asks the duck, “…with the big tent with the canvas sides? The big canvas roof with the hole in the middle? Where the animals live in cages and the performers live in caravans?” “That's the place,” the barman replies. The duck shakes his head in amazement. “What the hell would they want with a plasterer?” Alan Smith

I was in a cafe years ago behind an American man, on reaching the head of the queue he asked the waitress for a horse meat burger. The waitress informed him we don’t serve horse meat he replied, "well that guy just asked for mair soup”

John Tailford

What's the difference between Frank Sinatra and Walt Disney? Frank sings, Walt disnae!

Ashley Kennedy

Never marry a tennis player, love means nothing to them Stephen Curran

What car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen

Graeme Farrell

Worked with a guy called Blisters, he only showed up after all the hard graft was done

Rudy Anderson

I often get messages from dead gangsters. I receive them on my Luigi board Graham Beveridge

I spotted an albino dalmation dog today… It was the least I could do

David Bell

What has 5 toes and isn't your foot? It's my foot

Angela Rose McGregor