‘Covid has taken our sense of time and the seasons but new year is perfect time to seek help

GO for a walk, slice the day into bitesized pieces and understand that everyone is going through their own personal reaction to lockdown.

Counsellors at Relate Derby and Southern Derbyshire have been helping people from across the region deal with the heavy psychological blow of the Covid-19 pandemic.

They say that forced isolation and the denial of choice are the root cause of the upsurge in anxiety during the crisis.

And this has been exacerbated by the latest instruction from the Prime Minister to stay at home during January and February.

Relate operations manager and clinical supervisor Lisa Stevenson said: “We have gone from making decisions about lots of things to being told how to lead our lives almost every day.

“Sometimes, when choice is taken away, people feel paralysed and afraid. In this situation, we would usually seek safety in numbers but the opposite is the case here because we have to stay apart. This has increased the anxiety and we have seen that in people who we counsel.

“We help clients to try to break this thought process and understand the things they can influence.”

Relate counsellors have been working with many single people who have faced loneliness during lockdowns.

Counsellor Becky Francis, said: “We have been working with clients on how they can manage to be more socially active despite lockdown. We suggest breaking the day into smaller more manageable chunks, creating a list and this may include going for a walk or making a meal.

“This routine provides a greater sense of purpose. Ticking off an achievable list prevents people from falling off the proverbial ladder. We persuade those facing anxiety that life doesn’t stand still. How they are feeling today may not be how they are feeling tomorrow. Just a walk down the street and seeing cars go past is evidence of how life is moving on and not stagnating as much as we may fear.

“It is worth considering that by arriving at today, we realise we have had the experience of getting through tough times in our past. We can apply that experience to moving forward.”

Relate counsellors have seen families split in the way they perceive the Covid crisis should be handled.

Lisa added: “Families are falling out and this also leads to anxiety. The Covid-lockdown experience has become very personal and a common thread of our work has been about people’s reactions to each other.

“If we disagree with someone, we should remember that it is not the person who we are judging, it is their behaviour. It is important not to say ‘we dislike you’ but we may say ‘we dislike your behaviour.’ These healthy conversations about behaviour tend to help reduce blame when people are cooped

up.

“Everyone needs to understand that it is okay to differ and manage our expectations of others accordingly. “You should not argue with others in an attempt to get them to change their beliefs. Just explain why you feel the way you do and accept their viewpoint. Remember if an issue is important to you, it really is important but also be aware that others are facing anxieties, too. “Covid has taken away the sense of time and taken away the seasons. Nevertheless, the new year is the perfect time to reassess and seek help if you find yourself not managing. “Some may find that volunteering helps, for example, or taking part in community activities. But if you don’t feel able to do that, you should not feel bad. Nor should you feel guilty if you are an introvert and find that you are happier during lockdown because it has taken away the pressures of socialising.

“We are all on our own journeys through lockdown. We should not exhaust ourselves by trying to keep up with how others are handling it but if you are struggling, we offer a confidential environment where people can think in a way they haven’t done before.

“Counselling is really intimate. People share with us things they haven’t shared with others. We help all sorts of people and look forward to giving them a rung up the ladder if they have found themselves at the bottom.”

Relate Derby and Southern Derbyshire needs donations to provide children, young people, couples, individuals and families with specialist support. See more about its services and how to donate at www.relatederby.org.uk

We should not exhaust ourselves by trying to keep up with how others are handling it.

Lisa Stevenson