MY partner is claiming that he’s never loved me.
In fact he’s saying that he actively hates me and wishes I’d never been born.
This cruel revelation has hit me like a brick.
Up until three weeks ago we were absolutely fine – or so I thought.
We were jogging along like any ordinary couple. We had our ups and our downs but things were steady.
Then I made the huge mistake of proposing to him and everything changed. I got down on one knee, offered him a red rose and asked: “Will you marry me?” He very quietly replied: “No.”
I’m afraid I lost it and screamed: “What’s wrong with me, then?”
With that he let me have it. He blasted that I’m selfish, vain, controlling and a nag.
Apparently making love to me has been like bonking a zoo animal because I’ve got the body of a rhino and the breath of a bear.
The last three years of his life have been a living nightmare and everyone we know hates me!
With that he grabbed his keys and is now staying with one of his mates.
He’s insisting our relationship is dead because he’s been living a lie. He says he only got together with me in the first place because his late father was putting pressure on him to settle down.
Now that his mum is also dead he doesn’t have to pretend anymore. He’s planning to date anyone he fancies – male and female – and make up for the wasted time with me. I’m devastated and embarrassed. I feel like a monster.
My friends are telling me I’m a good person and mustn’t take any notice, but how am I ever going to be able to trust anyone again when I didn’t see this coming? JANE SAYS: It’s very sad that relations with your ex have soured to this extent.
But if he’s determined to move on and live a completely different kind of life, then that’s his decision. You mention that he’s planning to have sex with men and women in future. It could be he’s been in turmoil and confused about his sexuality for a while.
I don’t think it was fair of him to be so cruel about your body or your personality.
If he’s had a problem with your attitude for a while, then he should have spoken up before.
Accept that you brought things to a head with your marriage proposal and that was probably a good thing, otherwise you might have jogged along (unhappily and increasingly bitterly) for years.
Don’t allow him to rubbish you or put you down by telling you that you are worthless, because you know that you’re worth more than that.
Use your anger in a good way. Turn your energy around and plan for the future.
Make a wish list of all the things you’d like to achieve and go for it.
Be honest with family and friends. Tell them that he was not the man you thought he was.
Learn from this and take that wisdom with you into future relationships. If you have been guilty of any of the things he’s accused you of, then vow to change. MY girlfriend gets offended and hurt very easily and I’m sick of having to say “sorry”.
If I dare look at her in the wrong way, or disagree with anything she says, she goes nuclear.
She accuses me of being disloyal and sneaky and then I spend hours having to grovel and apologise.
She constantly has rows and dramas in her life. At the moment she’s at loggerheads with a woman at work, plus a cousin who she believes is begging money from older family members.
Every day I’m faced with yet another episode in the soap opera that is her life.
I try and let things wash over me but it’s very hard when she’s such a forceful personality who demands 100% of my time, energy and attention. How do I get her to chill?
JANE SAYS: We all have stresses in our lives. Unfortunately, it sounds as if your girlfriend has very high expectations.
She demands that you are constantly tuned in to her way of thinking.
But that’s totally unrealistic. We all have to try to get through each day the best we can.
How often does she ask about your day or your feelings? How would she like it if you accused her of being insensitive or even self-obsessed?
No-one’s perfect, not even her. Tell her today that you refuse to be bullied any more.
Unless a lot more mutual respect is introduced and she starts realising you have worries too, then you can’t see yourself staying with her long term.
If she stopped fighting wars on all fronts she might just find her life isn’t so shabby after all.