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A MATE of mine has started sleeping with the woman I’ve had an on/off thing with for years.
I’m furious. Several times now I’ve ordered him to back off but he’s not taking me seriously.
She and I used to work together and we enjoy casual sex without strings. I’ve always made it clear that I don’t want to form a relationship.
I have flings with other girls and she plays around but we meet up whenever we’re horny and at a loose end.
Yet my so-called mate thinks it’s acceptable to woo her too. I’ve even been warned by mutual friends that she’s growing increasingly close to him.
I CAN’T help worrying that my girl is having sex with someone else.
Something has definitely happened to make her hornier in general.
We’ve been together for three years and settled into a bit of a rut about 18 months ago.
Last summer I even thought about dumping her because our daily (and nightly) routine had become so boring. But suddenly she’s a new woman.
Far from being distant and remote with me, she wants sex every time we touch.
She is insatiable and with a distinct gleam in her eye.
Cheating
She’s wearing make-up to work, she’s lost loads of weight and has treated herself to a whole new wardrobe.
The other day we went round to visit my mum and dad and they hardly recognised her. My mum, never the subtlest woman in the world, actually asked her if she had plastic surgery.
Yet my girl will not admit that she’s cheating and I’ve asked her a dozen times if there’s something she wants to tell me.
I’ve read that people having affairs often want a lot more sex because they’re so fired up.
But even though she stays out drinking with mates from work and stops at her new best friend’s place, she will not come clean.
Now I am thinking about stalking her.
I don’t want to be the guy in the shadows but don’t see what choice I have when I’ve got to know what is going on. I know I should never have allowed her to take her recent promotion at work. She is now the only woman in a department of 10 guys and I can’t help thinking she must be bedding one of them – or maybe more?
Maybe she’s sleeping with everyone around her?
JANE SAYS: Surely it’s up to your female friend who she sees and who she wants to spend quality time with?
If you’re not interested in committing and she’s at a point in her life where she’d like a lot more stability, then you may have to accept that your time is up.
She’s not the only girl in the world and if she’s actually started to fall for your mate, then leave them to get on with it.
This is not about anyone winning or losing.
It’s more important that you think about your sexual health and your dignity.
Consider this: maybe having casual sex with your ex-colleague has actually stopped you from forming a proper relationship with another girl?
Perhaps this is the wake up call that you’ve needed all along? JANE SAYS: Calm down and take stock.
Suggesting that your girlfriend is sleeping with a whole department of colleagues is plain daft.
Just because she’s changed her look and has more energy and vitality doesn’t make her guilty of anything. Isn’t a person allowed to reinvent themselves?
When you’re feeling stronger, ask her for that all-important heart-to-heart chat.
Tell her she looks amazing and you’re very proud of everything she’s achieving at work.
Make it clear you’re loving the great sex you’re having but can’t help noticing that there’s a different air about her these days. Is everything OK?
Is she happy with your relationship and the way it’s going or does she think anything needs changing? Instead of stalking her – which I 100% do not agree with and strongly urge you to forget – suggest some future plans and see how she reacts. Also ask her to meet you halfway by cutting back on the boozy nights out.
I found your remark about you not “allowing her” to take a promotion at work pretty odd.
You are not her keeper, you are equals and if she feels ready to take on more responsibility and work her way up the greasy poll, then that’s up to her.
Could it be that you actually need to raise your game?