I CAUGHT HER KISSING SOMEONE

Dear Coleen

LAST week I caught my girlfriend kissing another guy and went ballistic. It was at a party and so it was very public.

I basically smashed up a few things in my mate’s house, although I didn’t hurt anyone, not even the bloke my girlfriend was kissing, even though I felt like it. I’m not usually an aggressive person.

I felt humiliated and upset. I have been seeing my girlfriend for six years and we’ve had our ups and downs but I thought she loved me.

Recently, it’s been tough as we live an hour’s drive away from each other, and it seems she’s been carrying on as if she’s single.

We’re both in our late 20s and I thought we had a future together. What do you think?

Coleen says

OF COURSE it’s embarrassing because it’s public and I bet you feel doubly embarrassed after smashing up your friend’s house.

I don’t know how your girlfriend feels, but if you still want to be with her you need a frank discussion. Is the distance a problem and, if so, is there anything you can do about it?

Sometimes when you’ve been in a relationship for years you get to a point where it doesn’t feel right any more but, you’ve been together so long, you can’t imagine not being with them. It might be you’re together more out of habit than anything else and she could be feeling that, but is unsure of what to say or how to deal with it. It’s confusing and hard to be honest.

I have two friends who are a similar age to you and relationship therapy changed their lives. It was hard for them to sit down and be honest with each other without it leading to a row or a sulk. Both have told me it was the best thing they ever did, so that could be an option for you if you seriously want to stay together. But don’t stay out of habit or because you’re afraid of the unknown.