Look who’s Poppins back up on our screens

AT THE age of 91, Dick Van Dyke is set to star in the new Mary Poppins film.

After the original, Van Dyke didn’t have a major role for several years. Instead he became an accent coach to Sean Connery.

The actor told reporters he was excited about joining the cast. At least we think that’s what he said – no one could make out a word of it.

In fairness, Dick has admitted that his cockney accent was dire. Whereas what it should have been was Danny Dyer.

Famously, Mary Poppins contained many fantastical scenes. Flying nannies, dancing penguins and working-class people able to afford a house in London.

The film sequel will tell the story of Mary returning to London, only to find that she’s been replaced as a nanny by an eastern European who was prepared to do the job for half the wages. The songs have also been updated for the modern audience. “A spoonful of sugar” now continues “leads to the onset of type 2 diabetes”. ■ A SCHOOLGIRL was horrified this week as she discovered a Deathstalker scorpion in her supermarket tangerines. She had no idea what it was until she googled it – and learned it was a type of fruit. ■ LOCAL news round-up and two red phone boxes in Edinburgh are getting a new lease of life as mini-offices. Obviously being upgraded from their current use as public toilets. ■ Scotland’s Tree of the Year is a copper beech in Prestonpans. The tree came top in an online poll organised by The Woodland Trust, who thanked everyone who took the trouble to log on. ■ SALES of shampoo have plummeted as more women grow their hair out and wash it less often, researchers have found. I can’t wait for the new shampoo ad slogan: “L’Oreal… It’s Not Worth It.”