It does drag a little but let’s carry on camping
EUROVISION tonight and we’re all looking forward to seeing the drag act with the beard again. Enough about Graham Norton.
Last year’s winning entry was Conchita Wurst. As opposed to the UK’s entry, which is always just the worst.
That said, there’s nothing that spectacular about seeing somebody sing with a beard and make-up. I’ve done karaoke in Dundee.
This year’s UK hopefuls, Electro Velvet, have unveiled their costumes for the final.
They’re dressing up as Abba and hoping nobody will notice.
They’ve also got their post-Eurovision outfits done – just two giant name tags reminding everyone who the hell they are
Hopefully they’ll fare better than former competitors like the man band Blue.
Lee Ryan has hit financial troubles and become the fourth and final member of the group to be officially declared bankrupt.
There’s a terrible stigma and disgrace attached to that. Admitting you were in Blue.
It’s shocking. Now when the guys hear “All Rise” it’s not a reference to an old song but the start of another court hearing.
Ratings show that 10-anda-half million people watched the climax of last year’s Eurovision.
Though you can probably add another five million to that.
Mostly men who recorded it and watched the Polish entry after their other halves had gone to bed. If you remember, that performance involved busty girls in Lederhosen doing a handwash. In case you’re wondering, yes they are available for stag parties. Sex appeal’s always been a GLOBAL news and US scientists say a massive ice shelf in Antarctica is set to disintegrate completely within five years. A massive shelf collapsing in just five years? Sounds like an Ikea job to me.
Meanwhile, more than 100 Japanese zombie fans have lurched around a park in Tokyo in costume and make-up for an annual gathering. If you want to see a similar spectacle in Scotland just check out the crowds leaving the T in the Park campsite on the Monday morning.
And Russian President Vladimir Putin bagged goal after goal in a gala ice hockey match with retired NHL players. The 62-year-old was meant to be in defence but has a reputation for launching attacks when he’s not supposed to. part of Eurovision. Probably why it’s been announced that Nigella Lawson will be delivering the results of the UK vote.
She’ll be looking for the same career boost Conchita got last year. It’s being claimed she’s already earned millions after her success. Mostly based on tax advice from Gary Barlow.
Anyway, good luck to Electro Velvet and their song Still In Love With You. Tonight looks set to be a huge campfest with some dodgy voting where all of Europe comes together for a right good party.
It sounds like Nigel Farage’s worst nightmare. Am I still in love with Eurovision? Ach it’s good telly and unlike Conchita, it’s certainly not a drag.