LIVE-IN SON TREATS US LIKE SERVANTS

Dear Coleen

Last year, our 42-year-old son came back home to live with my husband and I after his wife kicked him out. We were so sad for him and wanted to support him, but it has turned our house upside down.

He is just so lazy and leaves his stuff everywhere. He never offers to cook, and just expects his meals to be served.

He isn’t contributing financially because he’s trying to save for a flat, so you’d think he’d pull his weight. His children, who are 10 and 14, stay with us every other weekend and they leave the house in a tip too.

We keep arguing and I worry that when he eventually moves out, I won’t see him much because our relationship has become so bad.

Coleen says

I feel your pain. My son is 32 and I’m still picking things up after him. You need to sit him down with your husband – and say, “Look, you’re not five any more, you need to start pulling your weight around here”.

It’s great that you’re letting him live with you rent-free, but he has to pay his way by helping around the house and so forth.

So stop arguing with him and sit him down, adult to adult, and tell him like it is.

Even if he was 18, his behaviour would be disrespectful, but he’s 42! There’s no excuse. As for your future relationship, I wouldn’t worry about that. When he gets on his feet and leaves home again, I’m sure he’ll appreciate everything you’ve done for him.

And when you have a bit of breathing space from each other, things will go back to normal.