STORY OF MY ABORTION FLOORED HIM

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my partner for five years and I’d say we have a really good and honest relationship. However, I told him recently that I’d had a termination when I was 18 and he reacted quite badly to it.

He wasn’t judgmental at all about the fact I’d had an abortion, but he seemed a bit angry and hurt that I hadn’t told him in the five years we’ve been together.

The subject came up after watching a TV programme and also we had been discussing starting a family.

I suppose I didn’t tell him because I was worried about being judged or that he’d think differently of me.

I’m not sure how I can “make it right” after his reaction.

Coleen says

I think it’s a question of trust and I’m sure he feels more hurt than angry that you didn’t trust him with this information because he loves you and you are partners.

I don’t think it’s about “making it right”, I think you just have to talk about it – don’t avoid the issue now it’s out in the open. Explain to him how you felt about the termination at the time and why you decided not to share the information.

It’s obviously something very personal to you and perhaps something that you’ve shelved and need to talk about – with him and maybe a counsellor.

It can have a long-lasting impact and maybe you didn’t deal with your feelings at the time and it felt easier to just move on. But in life, situations can trigger past memories and experiences – for example, talking about starting a family in your case.

It might feel painful to talk about it, but I imagine you’re also relieved that you have told him and now, hopefully, he can be supportive.