Dear Coleen

HE’S ACTING STRANGELY OVER ABORTION

I’m 20 and so is my boyfriend, and we’re at university together. I recently found out I’m pregnant, it’s very early, I’ve seen my doctor and I’m due to have a termination after the holidays.

The timing is all wrong as we’re in our last year at university and both feel too young to be parents.

Although it was a joint decision, he’s been acting really strangely since we agreed on what to do. He’s either over-attentive (which I’m finding annoying) or won’t talk.

I wonder whether he’s really behind the decision or just going along with it because it’s what I want. My mind is made up, though. Have you any ideas why he’d be acting like this?

Coleen says

This is a really big thing for you both to go through and inevitably you’ll have to cope with difficult emotions.

He might be worried about you, maybe he feels responsible for this situation or he could be insecure about what it means for your relationship. And perhaps he feels he doesn’t have the same right to have an opinion because you’re the one who’s pregnant.

These are hard emotions to confront, but I think it would help if you could be really honest with each other about how you feel, so you can talk it through. Burying these feelings won’t help now or in the long-term because they’ll need to come out at some point.

I also think it would help if you had other people to talk to – parents, close friends, maybe a counsellor. I think you both need support now as well as after the termination because those feelings don’t just disappear after the procedure.