GRANDPARENTS DON’T ACCEPT ME
Dear Coleen
I’m a 25-year-old transgender woman who is struggling to cope, having to hide who I am from the grandparents who raised me and with whom I still live. They have told me they “don’t want to see” my true self, so home life is kind of awkward. I want to live full-time as myself but can’t, and moving out right now isn’t an option.
I need to find a way to talk to them about letting me be my true self around the house. I know I can’t force them to accept me, but I just need to make them understand that not being myself is making me depressed. I need to be able to express myself.
Do you have any ideas as to what I should say or do to.
Coleen says
I can really feel your sense of helplessness, but there’s no need to feel alone. I think you should get in touch with support groups and share your feelings with others in the trans community, and get some advice.
Contact The Beaumont Society, a self-help group for the transgender community (beaumontsociety.org.uk, Tel: 01582 412220) and the LGBT Foundation (lgbt.foundation, Tel: 0345 330 3030).
I think you also need to try speaking to them again and say, “Look, I am still the person you brought up and loved. For me, I’m in the wrong body, but it doesn’t change who I am as a person and it doesn’t change my love for you”. Sadly, there will always be some people for whom no amount of information or discussion will change how they feel.
It might be because of their religion or the way they were brought up but, you’re right, you can’t force your grandparents to be accepting.
Tell them how you feel, give them the information and then focus on yourself and making a plan for your future. You’ve done so well to come this far and realise who you are, so try not to let this throw you off course.
You have to work now to be able to afford your own place and live life as you want to.
It could be that in time your grandparents will be more understanding and accepting. Perhaps they’re still dealing with the shock of finding out. What you have to keep in mind is that there will be plenty of other people who will accept you and will be happy to offer support.