FIANCÉ TAKES ME FOR GRANTED

Dear Coleen

I feel my fiancé is taking me for granted. In the past two years we’ve had two more children, who are now 20 months and six months in addition to our 12-year-old. I work night shifts a few days a week, care for the children during the day and, on my days off, cook, clean, shop, pay bills and barely sleep! I also study in the evenings.

Meanwhile, he shouts at me in front of the kids, telling me I don’t pull my weight and calling me awful things if I so much as forget to buy orange juice. He makes me feel worthless.

I’ve tried numerous times to talk to him, but he doesn’t care about how I feel. My home is happy until he comes back and I then have to walk on eggshells.

He portrays this happy family image to the world, but that’s not how it is. I left him five years ago for the same reason and now I have two more kids and a mortgage with him. I thought he’d changed but I was wrong.

Coleen says

I think he’s doing more than taking you for granted. He sounds controlling and mentally abusive. I know it’s easy to say, but if I were in your shoes, I’d leave. You’ve done it before – albeit with two fewer children – so you’ve got it in you to do it again. You haven’t given me one reason in your letter why you actually want to stay with him and you haven’t even said you love him.

You are far from worthless – you’re a great mum, you’re working, studying and taking care of the house, and he’s not helping in any way. It must be very stressful and I don’t think you can carry on like this mentally or physically because you’ll break.

I think your first step should be telling those close to you how you feel, so they can be there for you.

You’ve discovered he hasn’t changed, so put yourself and your kids first and think about what will make you happy.