SO ANGRY AT FRIEND OVER PARTY SNUB

Dear Coleen

I’m part of a close-knit group of friends who are all turning 40.

Last year I got divorced from my husband of 15 years. He left me for a woman at work and I was devastated. As a result I know I’m more sensitive than usual.

I’ve just been to two of my best friends’ 40th birthday parties and this April I’m planning my own which I’m going to hold in a local restaurant.

However, my best friend has just told me she can’t make it because her husband is away for work and she can’t sort out childcare for their three children. I’m absolutely gutted and I got quite cross with her when she told me.

I feel very childish about it but I would never miss a best friend’s special party, especially after the tough year I’ve had. I’m worried it’s going to affect our friendship.

Why am I so cross with her over this? I feel like a 12-year-old again.

Coleen says

You know what, it is disappointing, especially after the year you’ve had. But please don’t let something like this affect your friendship. She obviously has a husband who works away a fair bit and she hasn’t got any nearby relatives to look after her kids.

I’m sure she’s pretty gutted. Could you perhaps help towards the babysitting costs? If it were me, that’s what I’d offer to do because I wouldn’t want her to miss it. Other than that, I think you have to be disappointed but take a deep breath and just get over it.

After the stress and trauma of divorcing your husband, I just don’t know whether I’d want to lose a friendship over one night.