My wife keeps leaving me for loser boyfriends

Dear Coleen

My wife of 12 years has left me for another man for the second time.

The first time, the guy got her hooked on drugs and they lived together, staying in different places for about half a year, then she came home and quit the habit.

She became pregnant with our child and everything was fine for a while – in fact, it was one of the greatest years of my life.

Fast-forward three years to now and she has left me again for another man who doesn’t have his own place, so my wife sleeps in B&BS and wherever else she can crash. I miss her terribly.

At first she said there was no way we were getting back together, but now she is hinting at mending things, as soon as she finds out where this new guy stands.

I have our three-year-old with me, as social services don’t want our baby alone with my wife. I’m worried she’s only saying she loves me to get closer to our child and she never says it in front of her boyfriend, as it’s “disrespectful to him”. What should I do?

Coleen says

Honestly? I think you should run a mile and don’t look back. She has never put you or your child first and the only thing she’s concerned with at the moment seems to be whether her latest boyfriend really wants her. She’s walking on eggshells around him, worrying about upsetting him, while you’re the consolation prize.

Please dig deep and find some strength and pride, and draw a line under this relationship for good. She is using you when things go wrong with these other guys or when she gets bored, but you deserve so much more.

And if you don’t do it for yourself, do it for your child – you don’t want them growing up thinking this is what love is all about and that it’s a normal relationship.

I know it’s easy for me to say because I’m not in love with her, but she will never sort out her issues or her substance abuse problems if you allow her to keep coming back.

In terms of moving on from this relationship, I think you’ve done the hardest part because you’ve proved you can carry on without her and care for your child.

However, if you have hope that things could work out in the future, then you still have to walk away and mean it. Then perhaps she’ll realise exactly what she’s lost and sort her life out. But please don’t put your life on hold.

The first guy got her on drugs, now she sleeps in B&B