Fifty-fifty — anything else is rude

Thank you very much for your letter which, I have to say, I found a bit disturbing.

While I’m delighted you’ve moved in together and that side of things is going from strength to strength, this is all rather odd and I agree with your friends that he is tight. In fact, I’d say tight is an understatement!

I understand that he likes to see money stacking up in his savings account every month — wouldn’t we all? But what he’s doing, apart from being incredibly ungallant and selfish, is profiting at your expense.

First things first: food and drink should be fifty- fifty, without a shadow of doubt. That should always have been the case, and I feel for you that you haven’t already pointed it out to him. That’s very generous of you, but rather to a fault.

The fact that he hasn’t insisted on paying his way fairly and squarely is very odd. Simply put, he is very mean, and I think you are being used.

It feels as if he’s had a lightbulb moment, thinking he can live in your house, get away with paying very little and make a profit on renting out his digs — win-win for him!

This is astoundingly rude. There is only one, strong, decisive, thing to do here. Tell him that you understand he may not choose to live in an expensive house, so he doesn’t have to pay half your mortgage, but he must put in the whole amount that he receives from the rent. It is outrageous to suggest that he profit financially from his good fortune in finding you!

Like food and drink, he should also split all other household bills down from the middle.

We Brits hate talking about money, but this is simply something you must do. This is a problem that’s not going to go away. In six months, it’s going to be a knife in your side. It has to be addressed and now.

If he doesn’t like it, well, he goes back to his and you stay in yours. I’d urge you to consider the depth of his feelings, too.

If you don’t, you’ll end up resenting him, arguing — and perhaps only giving him one third or whatever his entitlement is of your nightly G&T!

he must pay his way. If not, he is using you.

It might be worth taking advice on the implications of sharing your property and mingling monies with a man like this. I’d urge you to talk to a lawyer and get something in writing.

a man who has shown himself to be open to profiting from you financially now, may well be keen to do so in the future, even making a claim on your home, especially in the event of a split.