Look! It appears Bottler Boris is joining the Tory Awkward Squad
AS the Commons burbled through a slow thursday, there was time to ponder one of the week’s more striking sights: Boris Johnson attending PMQs on Wednesday. It was not merely the physical presence of the Member for Uxbridge & S Ruislip, itself a rarity. It was the seat he chose.
Boris plonked himself on the tory ‘Awkward Squad’ bench just below the gangway – where no one could miss him.
In the late thatcher era Michael heseltine used to recline his scheming bones in the same place. Mr Johnson may know this, having briefly inherited Lord heseltine’s fastness of henley.
One of my lasting mental images of a quarter of a century ago is of heseltine’s flamboyant blond hairdo on that bench, beneath it a long, Kirk Douglas chin and two eyes flaring with ambition.
Blond hairdo? Ambition? Well, well. On Westminster’s speculation market this week there has been a Boris bounce. George Osborne’s difficulty with the house of Frauds has led to whispers that Mayor Johnson is back in contention as next tory leader.
Really? Since his return to Parliament, Boris has done little in the Commons.
having contravened sketchwriting custom and done some research, I am astonished at how indolent (or timid) he has been.
he has made just one proper speech in the house and eight brief interventions. By way of comparison, Peter Bone (Con, Wellingborough) has in the same period spoken 98 times.
Boris’s most recent sally was on September 14, to offer a few words on the trade Union Bill. Alan John- son ( Lab, hull W & hessle) described that effort as ‘a wildcat intervention’. teasing laughter.
A week earlier, Mr Johnson rose to his hind legs at PMQs to contribute uncontroversial thoughts on international aid.
OnJuly 15 we saw a trickier moment when the home Secretary announced she would not permit water cannon in england. Mr Johnson, who had spent a dollop of public money on such machines, spluttered disagreement. the house soon moved to other matters.
On July 13 our hero spoke precisely 80 words in support of new housing. On June 24 he tangled with Labour’s Chris Bryant (Rhondda) about the 2012 Olympics legacy and had his nose tweaked by eloquent Mr Bryant. On June 11 Boris offered two sentences of advice to the Science Minister (who is his brother Jo).
On June 1 he managed a 30-second intervention on Syrian archaeological sites. On May 27 there was a Boris paragraph about public transport in London. And that, apart from his ‘second maiden’ speech (which lasted seven minutes) has been it.
What does this would-be tory leader think about welfare cuts? We hear occasional gossip and he has blurted one or two things to the broadcasters; but the Commons has not been honoured with his measured thoughts.
What does he think about the eU? Again, signals are smuggled through the political aether, informed nudges here, an off-therecord wink there. But where is the detailed argument, the rationale that can be analysed?
At the party conference Mr Johnson made a well-received speech. In the high Court of Parliament, in this cockpit of national debate, he has been the Invisible Man, the Blond Pimpernel, his visits as fleeting as the flap of a kingfisher’s wings.
Meanwhile, his rival Osborne – much energised by the anti-democratic outrage in the Upper house – grapples with the bloated state and electrifies the tory benches with his Commons fulminations. Another Boris rival, theresa May, eyes her options on the Leave eU campaign.
In parliamentary terms, at least, Mr Johnson has wasted the past six months. even his aides admit he has a gravitas deficit.
the Commons is where he could put that right. the Commons is where he could impress the tory MPs whose support he will need to get on any leadership ballot.
the Commons is also where, to his distaste, he is currently laughed at rather than laughed with. Until bottler Boris confronts this weakness, it will limit him.