Twitter be damned - let’s write royal nursery rhymes

Prince William wants the birth of his new child to be announced on Twitter. How very modern of him. is it too early for baby’s first nomake-up selfie?

i can just see the barrage of hashtags: #royalbaby #blessed #cute #cherub #soprecious #followme # lookslikeWills # justsayin. Many of us prefer a more traditional welcome.

So, in honour of the new baby and in a bid to bring back a bit of class, here are some old- fashioned nursery rhymes that have been repurposed for the royals: Prince Georgie Porgie pudding and pie He’s my bro, I’m going to cry. For he’s the heir and I’m the spare Sometimes life’s so darned unfair. Oh, the Grand Old Duke of York He had ten thousand girls. He marched them up to the top of the house Then he marched them down again. And when they were up, they were up And when they were down, they sued. That party night with J. Epstein? It’s been awfully misconstrued. Baa Baa black sheep, have you seen the fool? Yes sir, yes sir, he’s lounging by the pool. His name is Uncle Gary, he’s anything but tame. He gives the clan of Middleton a most unhelpful name. OOOh, how the worm has turned. I guess Danny Alexander feels he has executed a killer blow by revealing Conservative plans that were sketched on the back of a fag packet and sort of never were. David Cameron is distraught, terrified people might think he really is a — gasp! — Tory. But consider the electorate, Dave. We are not appalled. There are millions of us who actually think that cutting child benefits to the first three children is perfectly reasonable. Actually, why not go even further? We’ll all help to pay for the first two, but after that, you’re on your own. Do parents really feel statefunded benefits are an automatic right? And if so, why so? A large family is a luxury, not an entitlement. If you can’t afford children, don’t have them.