Which celebs spout more gibberish than Russell Brand?
Take our quiz to find out! by Harry Mount
Russell Brand was rewarded by the Plain english Campaign last week for his tide of non-stop gibberish, packed with obscure words and sentences that never know when to stop.
Brand won the annual Foot in Mouth prize for this definition of his politics: ‘I felt very connected to activism — particularly activism that feels loaded with potential. not the oppositional activism that seems like there’s a stasis around it — earnestly sincere, but a monolith.’
The comedian is in impressive company when it comes to talking tosh. For two decades, the prize has been awarded to the great and the good, from George W. Bush to Peter Mandelson. But who said what? see how you do in the Great Gibberish Quiz.
1. ‘Perhaps we need not more people looking round more corners but the same people looking round more corners more thoroughly, to avoid the small things detracting from the big things the Prime Minister is getting right.’ A John Prescott defending Blair. B Peter Mandelson defending Gordon Brown.
C Bernard Ingham defending Margaret Thatcher.
2. ‘look, I’ve got my old pledge card a bit battered and crumpled, we said we’d provide more turches, churches, teachers and we have. I can remember when people used to say the Japanese are better than us, the Germans are better than us, the French are better than us. Well it’s great to be able to say we’re better than them. and the Tories are you remembering what I’m remembering boom and bust negative equity, I mean are you thinking what I’m thinking I’m remembering, it’s all a bit wonky isn’t it?’
A John Prescott, in defence of new labour.
B ed Balls, on the ropes against Jeremy Paxman.
C ed Miliband, in his first television appearance.
3. ‘I think that [the film] was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.’
A Kenneth Branagh on playing Henry V.
B Hugh Bonneville on his new film, Paddington.
C alicia silverstone on her hit comedy, Clueless.
4. ‘I believe in an america where millions of americans believe in an america that’s the america millions of americans believe in. That’s the america I love.’
A Mitt romney trying to become President of an america that’s the america millions of americans believe in.
B american spy edward snowden, who leaked thousands of secrets, pleading not to be deported.
C Tony Blair, bidding for an after-dinner speaking contract in the states.
5. ‘I hope you leave here and walk out and say: “What did he say?”’
A George W. Bush, showing how memorable his rhetoric was.
B John Prescott, claiming that he is in fact very easy to understand.
C ex- england manager Fabio Capello, boasting about his english was after his first lessons.
6. ‘[Wayne rooney] is inexperienced, but he’s experienced in terms of what he’s been through.’
A louis van Gaal, on becoming manager of Manchester united.
B Former england football manager steve McClaren, on his star player.
C Paul Gascoigne, in one of his rare pieces of football punditry.
7. ‘We offer the party as a big tent. How we do that — recognise the big tent philosophy — with the platform, the preamble to the platform or whatnot, that remains to be seen. But that message will have to be articulated with great clarity.’
A nick Clegg on becoming deputy Prime Minister.
B Former u.s. Vice-President dan Quayle, on the republican Party.
C russell Brand on his plans for the evening.
8. ‘I could not fail to disagree with you less.’
A George W. Bush in a live TV debate with al Gore.
B andrew Mitchell, on being crossexamined in the Plebgate case.
C Boris Johnson on Have I Got news For You?.
9. ‘I know who I am. no one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe and somebody said I was a snake, I’d think: “no, actually I am a giraffe.” ’
A Michael Jackson, on being accused of deliberately changing his skin colour.
B richard Gere on the different characters he assumes on screen.
C david Mellor, when it was suggested he was a snob.
10. ‘When it comes to words, I have a uniqueness that I find almost impossible in terms of art — and it’s my words that actually make my art quite unique.’
A Tracey emin, defining the meaning of her pictures.
B andy Warhol on his advertisement-based art.
C Churchill on his paintings.
11. ‘These balls now — they literally explode off your feet.’
A Trevor Brooking, remembering the footballs of the 1970s.
B Footballer Jamie redknapp, taking inspiration from the great david Coleman, the gaffe-prone sports commentator.
C roy Hodgson, explaining why england didn’t win the World Cup.
12. ‘at this moment in time, if that changes in years to come, I don’t know, but what happens here today and changes as we go along, that is part of life’s learning and part of your inner beliefs.’
A david Icke, on the role of aliens in British politics.
B ex-england manager Glenn Hoddle, explaining to Trevor Mcdonald his theories about disabled people.
C stephen Hawking on how the universe is developing.
13. ‘I love england, especially the food. There’s nothing I like more than a lovely bowl of pasta.’
A Frankie dettori on his adoptive country.
B naomi Campbell on why she stays so thin.
C alex salmond, when accused of disliking the english.
14. ‘Ideas which stress the growing importance of international co-operation and new theories of economic sovereignty across a wide range of areas, macroeconomics, trade, the environment, the growth of post neo- classical endogenous growth theory and the symbiotic relationships between government and investment in people and infrastructures — a new understanding of how labour markets really work and constructive debate over the meaning and implications of competitiveness at the level of individuals, the firm or the nation and the role of government in fashioning modern industrial policies which focus on nurturing competitiveness.’
A Gordon Brown on his approach to economics. B russell Brand in his new book. C alan sugar on the principles behind dragons’ den.