JONATHAN CAINER

Dear Jonathan, One afternoon, before I took a nap, I told my cat that I mustn’t sleep past 3.15. He woke me promptly at 3.14. Susan Dear Jonathan, I had a Pyrenean mountain dog who could wake me by staring into my face. He stood by the bed and looked at m

ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 SOME people collect

opinions with the same enthusiasm as others collect reward points. They just can’t get enough. If there is any chance of making a judgment or taking a strong point of view, they leap in to nail the colours of their beliefs to the mast of prejudice. It keeps conversations exciting but it works against wisdom. When you need real discrimination, the last thing you want is a passionate reaction. Don’t try to win an argument this weekend, try to gain a precious insight instead. I’ve just been talking about you. You’ve got an amazing outlook now. Want to know what I said? Call your NEW four-minute forecast: 0906 751 5601. TAURUS ALL children go

Apr 21 — May 21 through a phase of wanting everything to be fair. If a brother, sister or playmate, seems to be getting a better deal, they are quick to point out the inequity. As we grow older, we develop a more philosophical stance. We think, instead, in terms of swings and roundabouts. We recognise that winners in one arena may well turn out to be losers in some other area of life. And that is a fairer definition of ‘fair’. It is also the most appropriate way for you to look at how things are

starting to pan out this weekend. I’ve got so much more to tell you. I’ve crammed as much as I can into your NEW four-minute forecast. Hear it and change your life. Call 0906 751 5602.

GEMINI ‘EVER since I was May 22 — June 22

a young boy, I played the silver ball.’ So sang The Who long ago. We must pity modern children, raised solely on electronic games. They don’t know the pleasure of subtly nudging a machine so that it responds to their movements. True Pinball Wizards understand what a difference they can make by leaning one way or another. This weekend, you face a situation that can just as easily go well or badly. Everything depends on your focus and concentration. Have you heard your NEW four-minute, week-ahead forecast? I’ve recorded a special message that you really should hear. Call 0906 751 5603. CANCER THEY say: ‘What

June 23 — July 23 doesn’t destroy us, makes us stronger.’ Ha! That is just the kind of thing ‘they’ would say. It is easy for them to say. When you are in the middle of a situation that is beginning to look like it might have the potential to destroy you, it is not easy to be philosophical. Recent events have taken a lot out of you but they have not destroyed you and nor are they going to. So they must have been making you stronger. This weekend, you will start to see the

true value of that strength. I’ve crammed your latest four-minute forecast with comforting advice and inspiring news. If you need cheering up, give me a call: 0906 751 5604.

LEO SHOULD you be where July 24 — Aug 23 you are right now? What if you have come here by mistake? Perhaps a series of errors has led you into your current position. Actually, it doesn’t matter whether you take a dim view of your circumstances or whether you choose to view them in the brightest possible light. What matters is not where you have been but where you are going. And, as you are due to discover this weekend, your next destination is going to turn out to be an exceptionally pleasing place. I’ve just been talking about you. You’ve got an amazing outlook now. Want to know what I said? Call your NEW four-minute forecast: 0906 751 5605. VIRGO GOOD comedians

Aug 24 — Sep 23 know that the art of getting a laugh involves more than just developing the ability to say things that are funny. It is as much about the delivery of the package. The style is as important as the substance. The timing of a remark can count for far more than the content. It is not a joke that you are keen to crack this weekend. Indeed, you seem to be dealing with a situation that seems very serious. Nonetheless, the same principle applies. Pick your moment carefully and everything will fall into place. I’ve got so much more to tell you. I’ve crammed as much as I can into your NEW four-minute forecast. Hear it and change your life. Call 0906 751 5606.

LIBRA

THE question, this Sep 24 — Oct 23

weekend, is not: ‘What is true?’ Nor do you need to trouble yourself with the natural corollary: ‘What isn’t true?’ What you really need to grasp is: ‘Why does someone think that a particular statement represents the truth — or otherwise?’ They may be mistaken or they may be right. But the attitude that has led them to adopt a particular point of view is the issue that you need to pay closest attention to. Understand that and you will soon grasp all else you need to know. Have you heard your NEW four-minute, week-ahead forecast? I’ve recorded a special message that you really should hear. Call 0906 751 5607. SCORPIO JUST prior to the

Oct 24 — Nov 22 U.S. election, many websites quoted questionable correlations. They would claim things such as: ‘Whenever Football Team X loses its last home game of the season, the winner always belongs to the incumbent party.’ We must be very careful before placing too much faith in such connections. Indeed, even astrological laws can vary according to time and circumstance. You must be wary, this weekend, of linking two unrelated developments. Don’t see signs of doom where none exist. I’ve crammed your latest four-minute forecast with comforting advice and inspiring news. If you need cheering up, give me a call: 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23 — Dec 21 They say:

‘There’s many a slip twixt cup and lip.’ But why do they say it, and when? When a process looks as if its outcome is a foregone conclusion. They say it to remind people to be careful and not take too