WEDNESDAY

The Seven Little Foys

(1955) U 12.05PM, BBC2 After the death of his beloved wife, vaudevillian entertainer Eddie Foy puts his seven little ’uns to good use (in his act) and the money starts rolling in. Bob Hope, who by this time was well past his prime, plays the old stager in a misty-eyed biopic short on laughs.

A Honeymoon To Die For

(2018) 15 3.15PM, CH5 PREMIERE This is standard Ch5 afternoon fare, starring Kari Wuhrer – whom you might recognise from such ‘classics’ as Sharknado 2, or G-Men From Hell – as the mum who fears that her daughter’s new man is only after her money.

Payback

(1999) 18 9PM, ITV4 A cool revenge thriller that also manages the occasional smile, starring Mel Gibson (above, with Lucy Liu) as a thief who is deeply affronted when he is taken to the cleaners himself. Brian Helgeland (who co-wrote 1997’s LA Confidential) was a wise choice for screenwriter and director.

Victor Frankenstein

(2015) 12 9PM, FILM4 PREMIERE Usually a source of mockery, Dr Frankenstein’s assistant, Igor, is the focus (and narrator) of this retelling of Mary Shelley’s story. Daniel Radcliffe plays Igor, with James McAvoy as the ‘visionary’ he teams up with.

Transformers

(2007) 12 9PM, SKY ONE Michael Bay’s update of the franchise that started life as a range of toys is as loud and shiny as you’d expect. Shia LaBeouf is the boy with a special connection to the robots in disguise, while Megan Fox (above, with LaBeouf) serves as the obligatory eye candy.

Byzantium

(2012) 15 1.25AM, CH4 Neil Jordan’s stylish vampire film, set in a declining English seaside town, weaves familiar folklore with some inspired new ideas. Gemma Arterton and Saoirse Ronan are the women tied together by blood and time.