Happy Mondays
Leading life and happiness coach
DON’T know about you but I no longer do “awkward”. It’s one of the bonuses of ageing – like developing a taste for marmalade and Neil Diamond, embarrassing your teenagers and groaning audibly when you reach the top of the stairs or flump down on the sofa. The awkward gene, like my gums, has receded. Humour or complete indifference usually cover the graceless moment when a painful silence might pervade.
It’s OK to say “no” and it can be a complete sentence on its own – no need to qualify certain actions or decisions to others.
A desire to speak to strangers is also all part of maturing, like hair loss and wittering. Supermarket queues, bus stops and lifts are a good starting point. I try an opener such as “I love this don’t you?” or “Been waiting long?” and I’m off. One of the greatest joys of a cocktail in America is bellying up to the bar, ordering your poison and getting plugged in to the conversation of the strangers gathered. Life in its many flavours is easier to swallow when shared with a stiff drink and a chaser of empathy, insight and wit.
If you are naturally curious you will learn so much, hear stories to touch your heart and maybe even pass on a little canapé of wisdom of your own.
Networking to some people is nothing short of an ante-room to Hell where all forms of goosebumping nightmares play out in a room full of strangers. Fear, panic, shame, expectation, rejection, failure and embarrassment are likely gatecrashers on most people’s emotional guest list. But it’s just a room full of equally nervous and shy folk hoping someone will talk to them.
I’ve known hard-nosed newspaper hacks who can ask a politician a killer question but bolt for the exit at the thought of a networking event and working a room full of unknown humans. Yet a smile and a few ice-breakers such as “Tell me what you’d like to get out of being here today?” or the existential “Why are we here?” and you’re well away.
Wearing headphones and staring at mobiles is a modern screen for those who feel awkward and inept in public places – it shuts you out, prevents eye contact and keeps you concealed. Yet loneliness is a hidden killer that curiously pervades the most populated areas and is infinitely more harmful than an embarrassed silence or an awkward moment. Isolation and despair go hand in hand and the antidote is a smiling face and friendly, interested chatter.
In 2014 a survey reported more loneliness in London than any other city in the EU. A recent study found that good social connections can improve our chances of a longer life and loneliness can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Artist David Brown has produced “I Talk To Strangers” badges that he wears on public transport and leaves in restaurants and bars for people to opt into connectedness and make the outreach to our fellow inhabitants on this planet.
Why not tell your awkwardness it’s their round and send it to the bar and start talking to people you don’t know. What’s the worst that can happen? Stone cold silence? Don’t worry, that was there before and will be for ever more.