Asking for help is not weak or selfish... it’s a sign of courage
Whilst seeking help for mental health problems has become more accepted, this is something which sadly remains stigmatised for many men.
Research into mental health problems in men shows that views badly needs to change.
In 2019, the suicide rate for men in parts of the UK was the highest for two decades, according to the Office for National Statistics.
And this does not include the millions of others whose struggles remain silent.
Many men use long term dysfunctional coping strategies such as drinking or gambling to escape from emotional problems.
But this doesn’t solve the problem.
Asking for help from a therapist isn’t weak or selfish. It’s a sign of courage which should be celebrated, particularly in men, who may have been brought up to believe that problems need to be faced alone. It’s been encouraging to see, then, over the last number of years at the practice, that numbers of men attending our clinics has risen to match – or even at times, exceed – that of women.
Good therapy isn’t about blaming others, and nor is it self-indulgent. It’s a process of maturation which helps us ultimately become the best version of ourselves – happier, more functional in our daily lives, and more compassionate and effective in our relationships.
As advocates for safe and effective therapeutic interventions for anxiety and depression, we’re privileged to be able to share here the stories of two men who found the courage to seek help from us, and then to speak openly about what that has meant for them.
If their stories resonate with you, please get in touch with West Coast Hypnosis in confidence – our ethos is one of strict confidentiality, non-judgement and the high standards of duty of care for which we have become well known. We can see you at the practice or remotely, by Zoom, if you prefer.
“Don’t just sit there and bottle it up, talk to someone” – NF, Midlands.
“If you’d had asked me three or so years ago ‘how did your hypnotherapy session go?’, I’d have looked at you like you’d just stolen my last Jammie Dodger and waved the empty packet in my face!
“Why on earth would I have done that? What possible reason would I have to sit and be gently eased into a semi - comatose state with someone gently feeding help and guidance into my somewhat addled brain cell? Well, that is exactly what the last half of 2020 looked like as I went through a process with West Coast Hypnosis that ultimately kept me on this mostly harmless blue green planet we call earth.
“As a bloke, I have a unique ability to bottle “stuff” up and let it fester away in one of the many boxes I have tucked away in my head. But sometimes that “bottling up” is caused by situations that you didn’t notice happening – or become oblivious or numb to, because actually facing those situations, feelings or thoughts can lead to dark places that you really shouldn’t spend time in.
“A few years ago, I made a poor career choice which caused me a great deal of unforeseen stress.
“But apart from the work situation, I didn’t notice the ticking time bomb that would ultimately see me ending my marriage of 17 years in 2020.
“I changed my job in 2018 after a particularly horrendous time at the end of 2017 that saw me signed off with stress after having a massive panic attack in the middle of London. The new role was fantastic and finally led me to develop a new company from scratch here in the UK.
“But within a few months
that feeling of desperation was creeping back in as I was permanently tired, grumpy, unusually emotional and starting to dread walking in through the front door of home every night.
“Reality was hitting me as to what the issue was. I was unhappy in my relationship and felt powerless to do anything about it for fear of upsetting my wife. I was always the compliant one, doing things for a quiet life, not wanting to rock the boat, and dealing with many things.
“Recognising that I was being controlled in what I did, places I went, constant seeking permission to go places or spend money was building up and at the top of that mountain, I cracked.
“A few weeks later we hit the first lockdown and the world imploded on itself within a matter of weeks. I got a glimpse of the future, a future that I was not sure I wanted to be part of.
“The pressure to “down tools” and go for a walk or bike ride with the children was mounting – I was shattered and expected to bounce around the countryside in a socially distanced manner when all I wanted to do was sleep.
“It was after a particularly bad weekend that I decided to contact Naomi at West Coast Hypnosis as she had helped me back in 2017 and helped me deal with a few things, and had also pointed out that I was in a depressive state and worked to help me out of it – which I thought I was. I was ok until we got into 2020 when it all got accelerated due to the mountain breakdown and Covid Lockdown.
“When you’re lying there at night and you can’t sleep and your mind will simply not shut off, you feel utterly helpless, and you look like death warmed up in the morning. You put your “game face” on and deal with the daily grind as though there is nothing wrong, but inside you’re being utterly battered by your own brain telling you stuff you don’t need to hear – and it was starting to become clear what was wrong.
“Over several weeks Naomi helped me build up the right strategies to turn the corner and start to gain new perspective around next steps. It didn’t take long to work out that I had to make a dramatic change and coming out of one hypnotherapy session when I must have been crying, I felt a change and a plan forming. I had to make a change otherwise the rabbit hole was going to get deeper and deeper, and I may not get out of it. She helped me start to find clarity and I set myself a target.
“That change came in August 2020 where, I now realise, I was demonstrating traits that could have triggered a “turn the lights out” reaction. Another hypnotherapy session and I came out of it feeling still absolutely battered, but better to a degree.
“A difficult discussion happened with my wife but I at last felt the resolve to voice the truth – I had to leave.
“As the months passed the process which followed gathered pace. My depression lifted as I took each step forward. Fast forward nine weeks, the children are seeing a difference in me, I’m more alert and they’re starting to spend more time with me and relaxing at weekends. Ten weeks and my dependence on Naomi and WCH is starting to lift, and I can deal with things. By December, I’m in a much better place. My memory is better, I can remember things instead of writing everything down – and I mean everything. I’m sleeping better and I feel more with it.
“And now, looking back on all this, I see that I am a totally different person.
“I am calmer, more engaged with things, I am able to deal with situations in a far calmer manner, nothing is flustering me and my relationship with my children is the best it’s ever been, and people can see a difference in me.
As the months passed, my depression lifted as I took each step forward