‘You live in my heart so intensely’
Darling Dil, when I penned an appreciation for Daddy number 2 ten months ago, little did I know that I would have to write again in such a short interval for you my very own beloved. I still cannot believe that you are no longer with me in person, though I feel your presence in every nook and corner of our home, and in my heart so intensely.
25th January 2016 was yet another day in our life that dawned as usual. I did not feel even a fragment of a change in you or in the environment that hinted of an impending disaster to separate you from me. Then the news reached me that my life had been snatched without any warnings. My life since has come to a standstill. Days’ dawn and nights fall, I do not know what happens in between. It is immaterial to me whether there is a sun, moon or stars in the sky, since I do not see light anymore. I am engulfed in a cloud that has blurred my vision of a future.
When I boasted of our marriage, ‘22 years’ sounded a great deal, yet in retrospect it is too short a journey. I find solace in walking down on the memory of our years together.
My heart is still warm with the memories of our meeting at our work place World Vision Lanka (WVL) 26 years ago. It was on the 2nd of October 1989 that you joined the organization as the Audit Manager, Your department was an exclusive male team. I was in the Sponsorship Department - an exclusive ladies team. I remember the first day you joined the ‘girls’ for lunch with your ‘boys’. There was too much fun and frolic. I remember each and every word that was shared at that lunch table.
You celebrated your birthday on the 6th of February with a homemade treat in office which got us into deeper dialogues. It was then that I got to know that you were Mrs. Therese Motha’s son, I was a fan of her Column in a Women’s weekly. You proposed marriage to me on the 26th of February in 1990 a day after my birthday. I not only did fall in love with your gentle and humane qualities and your handsome stature, even your name sounded melodious to me.
We were the first couple to fall in love at WVL. Being a smaller organization than it is today, the regulation was that married couples were not permitted to continue in employment . Hence you chose to leave your employment for the love of me.
We were married on the 11th of December 1993 after a very long courtship. Dad built a house for us so we moved in straight to our own world. Rajeev the nephew became our instant pride. As time went by and all our friends were blessed with cherubs, and the little ones pronounced your name differently. You were ‘ Dip uncle’,’ Dilid uncle’ and ‘Delete uncle’ to them. Accordingly I too started calling you in those names. Praveen and Chanuka became your best friends and instructors. Along with them you too became hightech! You treated them equally and they cherished your child like nature. It was they who did the honours for you in the send -off, like you they too played a major role behind curtains. It was only at your funeral that mom and I got to know about your social work activities of such a gigantic measure. There were many individuals who shared their stories of your being an angel of provision to them. I am glad that you chose to be that unaware to us, because you have lived the Kingdom Value.
Dil your toils have not gone in vain as we are now reaping the harvest of your gesture through others. We are surrounded by friends and families. You will be surprised and happy to know that we are being taken care of with special thoughts by them. Dil, I am glad that you introduced your classmates to me at the 50th bash. It is they who are carrying a heavier burden in seeing to your affairs and our well-being and welfare. This day along with many others, there are two Mrs. Motha’s weeping for youmom and me. While my heart is in smithereens, I do know that mom’s intensity of pain and her heart’s wailing is of a higher and deeper degree than mine. In time to come our eyes will learn to be dry yet our hearts will always be wet because of you.
Right now I am in the presence of caring individuals who are angels on earth, yet the loneliness I feel is inexplicable…you alone know the reason. Dil I do not want my days to be any longer nor do I want to walk the earth for ages. I yearn to be with you in a better world and that I will get yet another chance to hold your hand and walk through a shady path. Till then rest my love.... I remain… Yours and yours alone -
NIRANJALI RAMIAH MOTHA